Silence of Discontent

 

Silence of Discontent

 

I did not close my eyes that night
just my heart and mind
no voice to utter my profound protest
my intense thoughts, my mixed emotions
of which I felt at that time

hence, my profound silence of consent
gave birth to my tormented soul
'twas the silence of my discontent
as a wisp of wind I let you go

ever since, the sun stands
quite still in distant skies
and sleepless nights stay just as long
as shadows dance and cast pictures
hauntingly unreal, to fool my eyes
blocking reality's visions which belong

O', if I could only say
'I've grown my wings,I want to fly!'
I'would search to the ends of the earth for you
but I've not reached that higher plane
as fire leaps and burns ,nocturnal forces claim
my sullen soul in grey ashes,of disoriented view

'Alas, suffering and regrets plague
my heart~my soul~my mind,and more
in a cosmic universe so vague
'Tis my fate!~ the awful truth
of which I can bear no more

Reviews

[Christopher 'Windstorm'..]

one word describes this in whole...."BEAUTIFUL!" i love how you use old style words and make it feel comfortable and cozy, the images that you bring to life are those of love and longing. i know how you feel and it gives it that much more depth. the complexity is beyond what i am use to but it does not take away form you wonderful words.

my favorite lines where:

O', if I could only say
'I've grown my wings,I want to fly!'

i cannot count how many times i would love to just fly away in to the arms of the one i want to love. this is an instant classic in my book

[Julie McCarthy (juliesp..]

thankyou for entering this masterpiece into my competition, its brilliant to say the very least thanks

[Melodieou]

Beautiful and so vivid! I love the last stanza.

[Fran Marie]

Thanks so very much

[Mark]

In two instances ("My mixed emotions of which I felt", and "The awful truth of which I can bear"), the 'of' needs removing, possibly even the 'which' as well. Also, "My...emotions ...which I felt" is redundant; consider changing the 'My' to 'The'.
Apart from these few minor grammatical glitches, though, this is an intense and highly emotional poem, Fran! Good job!

[scorpion-red]

i enjoyed this piece

[.:Naiira Harlow:.]

Written wonderfully and such an old fashioned style. I really like the depth behind this poem. Keep up the good work!

[Greg the Bard]

I would have prefered the use of the title in the last line as a closing. But let me say that the closing you chose is really good. Again like in some of the other things I've read of yours this leaves me a bit sad. That having been said for some reason I keep going back to your work. Your talent is wonderful and has a grace to it. Well done!

[Mr. Lopez]

There are few who write with such elegant , poetic beauty and you ,my friend , are one of them. I am impressed by your honesty to yourself. Your recognition of your disontent gives you strength to overcome. To grow from it. To learn. Very beautiful style and rythme.

[Ray Hamilton]

WOW I really liked this one.
Right from the heart?
The world's ups and downs, sure can slap us around pretty good can't it?
Thanks Ray { Not a Poet }

[Rosary]

interesting choice of words. it doesnt pull me in for some reason even tho i think its very well written not everyones going to understand others work tho

[Ken Simm.]

Musical as in of the spheres.