No Storms to Weather

No Storms to Weather

 

If we lived in a 'perfect world'
we will have reached
the only day in existence
there 'd be no need to argue
there would be no difference

Would we really be living in harmony?
in non realistic perfection
no mistakes to be made
no hard school of rules
no meeting muster for inspection

There'd be no conflicts
only heaven, no hell
no opposites
of good verses evil
no devil to repel

Nothing to strive for
no ambition
Atheletes would shrivel up
from lack of competition

no mountains standing before
nor behind us to have conquered
no storms to weather thru~
no problems whatsoever
with the horizon ever blue

We all would be so perfect
A perfectly unison bore
with everyone the same
no need to keep score

there wouldn't really be a future
life would cease to be
truly a one day exsistence
if we all lived perfectly

There be no comfort to
enjoy after a hard work day
no need for gratitude
nothing for which to pray

So in this non perfect world
we have to struggle on
to balance the nature of all things
in the order to which they belong.

And would a rose truly be as lovely,
without its prickly thorns?

Reviews

[The Archangel Gabriel]

"exsistance" Typo. "existence"

http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/existence

"And would a rose truly be as lovely,
without its prickly thorns?"

A very good point! How cute is it when a baby steals a lollypop? That is one of the majesties of human free will.

What is the meaning of safety without murder and rape. I don't like them, but they bring meaning. Plus, we had to be made free. That is just a state of being, and the right one.

What you do with your freedom is a different matter altogether.

Another great write.

-Gabe

P.S. I have typos and misspellings in a few of my works. :) These things happen.

[Peter Shambles]

I love this poem! It is a hopeful ballad of a true visionary seeing into the soul of humanity. The question you pose is something that our society has been experimenting with for the past 10 or so years. With 75 years or so without a domestic or world conflict, our country has been innovating human comfort. Which is such a difficult thing to regulate and measure. I would argue, as I'm sure you would at least partially agree, that comfort is defined by pain and suffering that surrounds it. When you take away the trials and thorns, the rose just doesn't have it's original appeal.

I loved your stanza about athletes. I believe it hit home the most for me because of my own competitive nature but also in some weird way because of the way the world seems to work. As a student of history, I know that almost every culture in history reveres great athletes and considers physical achievements of high importance. It is interesting to see the decline of this ideal in western culture today and I wonder if it is at all related to the general unhappiness in the same cultures. It is a very interesting idea nonetheless.
I really enjoyed the way you ended the poem, such a simple and almost clique saying in itself, reworded and placed nicely in a very serious and non-clique context of the elegant poem before it. I was very impressed.

A few spelling issues if you are interested in fixing them:
1- "non realistic perfection" Generally needs a hyphen: non-realistic perfection.
2- "of good verses evil" Verses changed to versus: of good versus evil.
3- "Atheletes would shrivel up" Atheletes changed to Athletes: Athletes would shrivel up.
4- "truly a one day exsistence" Exsistence changed to existence: truly a one day existence.
5- "So in this non perfect world" Non perfect generally needs a hyphen: So in this non-perfect world.

I hope I didn't overwhelm you with the spelling errors but I think they did need to be pointed out. I enjoyed the poem and it was truly a pleasure to read it. It gave me a lot to think about. Congratulations on winning the contest! You certainly are a very good writer. Good luck on the rest of your writing journey!

[Fran Marie]

Thanks Pete .for the in-depth
review and the correction suggested
I'm not overwhelmed ..i so appreciate

[Patricia Wedel]

We all need protection... even from wasps and certain death from venom snakes...
for goodness sake. The beauty of Iris that gallantly stand in lovely shades of
rainbow colors trimmed with expressions of Mothers love. Roses should not be picked...
but only admired like a Virgin who should not be touched until her wedding day....
when thorns are gently removed with care. truly, Pat

[Fran Marie]

Thanks dear Pat
I always enjoy your
lovely poetic comments
I so appreciate your words
on my poetry..stay safe..

[Patricia Wedel]

dear Fran... I would love to be a poetic comedian...
'but not giving up my day job' of staying alive during this CoronaVirus. truly, Pat

[Fran Marie]

Lol..youre truly
one of a kind..
don't ever change..
dear friend..

[Dani The Unreviewed]

A beautiful, write, with a clear, and true message. Very well done. :) Yeah, livin without any troubles, would be like playin a game, but instead of followin rules, and without putting any effort to pass each level...instead, cheatin your way all to the end of it...now, where would be the fun in that? keep writing.

[kanyinsola okafor]

Excellent poem.
...and would a rose truly be as lovely without its prickly thorns.

[Fran Marie]

Thanks so very much..I appriciate it..

[kanyinsola okafor]

You welcome. I would appreciate your review of my poems.

[Lyric]

Amazing points, and something I think about a lot, if everything were perfect, like you said we'd live the same day over and over again, and if everyone was perfect we'd all be the same person, we'd all be God. I enjoyed every second.

[Fran Marie]

Exactly..thanks so much,Lyric,

[Lyric]

You're welcome :-)

[C. Lee Battaglia]

Awesome poem! It touched my heart deeply. I see great potential in your writing...
Keep up the great work!

C. Lee Battaglia

[Fran Marie]

Thanks C Lee. So very much....

[Daydreamer]

Enjoyed every single word, it reads like a familiar yet ambigous symphony...
Stunning vocabulary choice, wonderful questioning and very well brought out
In my fav's😎

[Fran Marie]

Thanks Manal,so very much appreciated;

[B.J]

Very well said, I liked it and enjoyed the read

[Fran Marie]

Thank you so much, glad you enjoyed

[B.J]

Your welcome

[MomzillaNC]

Lovely, lovely write. Congratulations on your win.

We should all remember, perfect love in romance never promised finding our "perfect" love meant the end of all problems. It only ever meant someone to walk with through those problems.

[Fran Marie]

Thank you very much..

[MomzillaNC]

yw :)

[wordman]

just read a similar poem about perfection,i came to the conclusion that god made us all perfect in his site
then I realized that just couldn`t be right,so we know god don`t lie so I came to the conclusion that god is blind..and I really don`t know what this review has to do with this exciting and informative write

[Fran Marie]

Many thanks Ron..much appreciated

[wordman]

you are welcome