"And would a rose truly be as lovely,
without its prickly thorns?"
A very good point! How cute is it when a baby steals a lollypop? That is one of the majesties of human free will.
What is the meaning of safety without murder and rape. I don't like them, but they bring meaning. Plus, we had to be made free. That is just a state of being, and the right one.
What you do with your freedom is a different matter altogether.
Another great write.
-Gabe
P.S. I have typos and misspellings in a few of my works. :) These things happen.
I love this poem! It is a hopeful ballad of a true visionary seeing into the soul of humanity. The question you pose is something that our society has been experimenting with for the past 10 or so years. With 75 years or so without a domestic or world conflict, our country has been innovating human comfort. Which is such a difficult thing to regulate and measure. I would argue, as I'm sure you would at least partially agree, that comfort is defined by pain and suffering that surrounds it. When you take away the trials and thorns, the rose just doesn't have it's original appeal.
I loved your stanza about athletes. I believe it hit home the most for me because of my own competitive nature but also in some weird way because of the way the world seems to work. As a student of history, I know that almost every culture in history reveres great athletes and considers physical achievements of high importance. It is interesting to see the decline of this ideal in western culture today and I wonder if it is at all related to the general unhappiness in the same cultures. It is a very interesting idea nonetheless.
I really enjoyed the way you ended the poem, such a simple and almost clique saying in itself, reworded and placed nicely in a very serious and non-clique context of the elegant poem before it. I was very impressed.
A few spelling issues if you are interested in fixing them:
1- "non realistic perfection" Generally needs a hyphen: non-realistic perfection.
2- "of good verses evil" Verses changed to versus: of good versus evil.
3- "Atheletes would shrivel up" Atheletes changed to Athletes: Athletes would shrivel up.
4- "truly a one day exsistence" Exsistence changed to existence: truly a one day existence.
5- "So in this non perfect world" Non perfect generally needs a hyphen: So in this non-perfect world.
I hope I didn't overwhelm you with the spelling errors but I think they did need to be pointed out. I enjoyed the poem and it was truly a pleasure to read it. It gave me a lot to think about. Congratulations on winning the contest! You certainly are a very good writer. Good luck on the rest of your writing journey!
Posted 2 Years Ago
2 Years Ago
Thanks Pete .for the in-depth
review and the correction suggested
I'm not overwhelmed.. read moreThanks Pete .for the in-depth
review and the correction suggested
I'm not overwhelmed ..i so appreciate
We all need protection... even from wasps and certain death from venom snakes...
for goodness sake. The beauty of Iris that gallantly stand in lovely shades of
rainbow colors trimmed with expressions of Mothers love. Roses should not be picked...
but only admired like a Virgin who should not be touched until her wedding day....
when thorns are gently removed with care. truly, Pat
Thanks dear Pat
I always enjoy your
lovely poetic comments
I so appreciate your.. read moreThanks dear Pat
I always enjoy your
lovely poetic comments
I so appreciate your words
on my poetry..stay safe..
4 Years Ago
dear Fran... I would love to be a poetic comedian...
'but not giving up my day job' of stayi.. read moredear Fran... I would love to be a poetic comedian...
'but not giving up my day job' of staying alive during this CoronaVirus. truly, Pat
4 Years Ago
Lol..youre truly
one of a kind..
don't ever change..
dear friend..
A beautiful, write, with a clear, and true message. Very well done. :) Yeah, livin without any troubles, would be like playin a game, but instead of followin rules, and without putting any effort to pass each level...instead, cheatin your way all to the end of it...now, where would be the fun in that? keep writing.
Amazing points, and something I think about a lot, if everything were perfect, like you said we'd live the same day over and over again, and if everyone was perfect we'd all be the same person, we'd all be God. I enjoyed every second.
Enjoyed every single word, it reads like a familiar yet ambigous symphony...
Stunning vocabulary choice, wonderful questioning and very well brought out
In my fav's😎
Lovely, lovely write. Congratulations on your win.
We should all remember, perfect love in romance never promised finding our "perfect" love meant the end of all problems. It only ever meant someone to walk with through those problems.
just read a similar poem about perfection,i came to the conclusion that god made us all perfect in his site
then I realized that just couldn`t be right,so we know god don`t lie so I came to the conclusion that god is blind..and I really don`t know what this review has to do with this exciting and informative write