His words

Blank~Verse~Sonnet

 

 

'It's a cruel and cold world',those were his words
declaring, in whispered voice,'heartless
void of compassion,' he continued on....
dark shadows and black auras ; his halo
seeming so helpless, drowning in despair
hopelessly sinking into dark abyss
his lost lonely soul,slunk away in doom
sliding lament into a recorder
 
then, taking the gun to his temple,he....
Oh! No! I cried,that's when it all went blank
I could not bring myself to watch the end
turned the video off and poured myself
a stiff drink,God, I needed one so bad!
His words replay,in my head,ev'ryday....
 

Reviews

[Lydia Shutter]

Wow, this is intense, Fran....At first I thought you were watching a lover or a friend committing suicide...then I realized it was just a movie you were watching....or was it? It IS a cruel cold world, but sometimes we need to overlook that and treat the world as if it is warm and fuzzy.....because sometimes that works. As always, well written. lydia

[DaughterNature]

This is an absolutely stunning poem! The moment you've captured is gripping and very thought-provoking. However, since you submitted it to my "blank verse" contest, I would also like to comment on the rhythm -- while there are definitely many moments of the traditional iamb in this piece, it is pervaded by trochees, anapests, and dactyls. That being said, nice poem!

[Fran Marie]

thanks so very much;

[Nancy Lee Shrader]

Congrats on your great winning poem!

[Sean M. Addams]

the darkness and detail of this piece was handle very well... overall a really like this piece and felt it was one of your strongest ones i've read... fav lines...void of compassion,' he continued on....
dark shadows and black auras ; his halo

[LlamaLord]

This piece is really filled with strong emotion. Leaves me thinking...
"dark shadows and black auras ; his halo
seeming so helpless, drowning in despair"

GREAT lines. 2 of my favorites. Very nice work

[Laura E. Aranda]

This was so very dark and it left one hanging....hmmm
Good luck in the contest. Kuds to you for a suspenseful write once again
Cheers, lea

[Danielle Asher]

I do not know if it is real or imagination. When my friend committed suicide his girlfriend talked about what there last conversation was about and there is one line that plays over and over in my head all the time and it was over 10 years ago. That is what your piece made me think of. If it is real, I can't imagine having that vivid image and if not, either way, this piece is something you can put it out there to help people get in touch with real experiences and emotions. nice work.

peace,
Danielle

[Bubo]

'It's a cruel and cold world',those were his words
declaring, in whispered voice,'

Some words, even those acting roles live with us for a long time, and yes, it is a cruel and cold world
some days........I could so relate to this piece!

[Cold Coffee Magazine]

Great wokon this ran anthats an understatement.

Superb writing.

[SM Davis]

Hmmm the demise of a loved one? Fantasy or real...this is disturbingly crisp. Well done!