My Sweet Leroy

entry for `The Blue Rose Café Edgar Allen Poe. Phrase Challenge`

 

"Once upon a midnight dreary

 while I pondered weak and weary"

 my mind wandered, my spirit bent

  deep, deep down to hell's decent

Killing Leroy; a failed attempt

he lies in blood,his life half spent

outside chamber doors, 'tis pouring rain

from whence his cheating heart had came

'Tis a shame; a sad tale to tell

the devil to claim, his soul to sell

my sweet Leroy, had hurt my pride

with knife in hand I waited inside

As he walked through the chamber door

I rushed to kiss his lips once more

then plunged the knife deep to his heart

yes, my sweet Leroy, would soon depart

Now near death, no regrets have I

No sorrow or tears left to cry..

I too shall follow thee into death

as I slit my wrists, and draw love's last breath.

Reviews

[John the Baptist]

Hell, so it is said, hath no fury like a woman scorned. The speaker in this one gives credence to that old saying. Whoever Leroy was, he cheated on her and paid the price. The Poe imagery highlights this murder/suicide tale, and we can almost see the angry and unrepentant heroine as she turns the bloody blade on herself. Not one to read late at night if you're by yourself.

[Fran Marie]

Thanks John
I used the name
Leroy as a takeoff
on " my sweet Lenore"
Poe's mentioned lady
It was a contest
where we had
to use the phrase
from Poe's poem
The Raven..so
I thought I would
slip a name in
hence Leroy
was born.

[Relic]

Wow! Revenge and suicide all in the same poem. Excellent rendition.

[Fran Marie]

thanks Tim,
yea kinda of
dark..i know
I appreciate
your words;

[Patricia Wedel]

Whoa! Fran... the depths of despair can be
a Bosom full of revenge... be still and listen to the Wind... waves crashing and hearts breaking... into oblivion. Amen Pat

[Fran Marie]

thanks Pat
for your words
yea h I know
right? those
depths o f despair
that's where I had
to go with this.one
to get that po' esque
dark rhyme mood
much appreciate
your review

[Dhara_Ditzy Kat]

This poem is both beautiful and darkly haunting in its message. Sometimes jilted love can turn so tragic! You wrote this beautifully, dear Fran!

[Fran Marie]

many thanks
dear Share
for reading
and the kind words
I appreciate;

[AJNJ]

A poetic tale of heartbreak and vengeance full of pathos and drama written in superb AABB rhyming scheme and one that I found very exciting to read. I've read a bit of Poe and I loved this poem

[Fran Marie]

thanks AJ
s o very much
for the kind review
glad you enjoyed
this one;

[AJNJ]

It was a pleasure Ms. Fran!

[LazerRays]

Check points for making the rhyming scheme like Poe's is! This is a great plot and great ending. There's a sad death, check; a somber message, check; insanity, check; pondering with oneself, check!
I think this is fantastic! Thanks for entering my contest!

[Fran Marie]

Thanks Sarah..glad you enjoy my poem..writing. Poe like poetry comes easy for me..thankful for the win..and i enjoyed participating in your pie contest..

[LazerRays]

i love pie! and poe ;)

[Fran Marie]

Haha ..my smart phone us smarter than me. I say Poe and it writes pie..I guess that could be my new poem based on Stephen Kings book "Thinner"..

[LazerRays]

YES HAHAHAHAAHAH

[barleygirl]

Folks must be in the Halloween spirit, as this is the second one I've read in a short sitting where the woman is stabbing the guy! Your writing construction is superb & altho I'm not very familiar with Poe's works, this sounds every bit as polished & well-crafted as a celebrated poet would produce. Usually I'm not very good at reading this stilted language, but yours is crystal clear & relatable.

[Fran Marie]

Thanks so very much for the kind comments.i so appreciate
.☺

[Sean M. Addams]

very cool piece .. very haunting and dark.. love the last lines .. nice job

[alifeacoustic]

I think the ghost of Vincent Price or Christopher lee joined in on this too, because those were the voices I heard reading it. How wonderful would that be to have them do the spoken word version of this wonderful write, full of Poe-esque, fear and flow. Wonderfully written Fran Marie. I really enjoyed the rhythm of it.

[Fran Marie]

yes, that would be something...love Vincent Price.. he was the Master of fright for sure,,
thanks so much, glad you enjoyed;

[alifeacoustic]

You're very welcome.

[Christina]

Oooh, this was so good! I love the name Leroy, and the "my sweet Leroy" adds an element that says "you may have betrayed me, but I have all the power."

[Fran Marie]

thanks so much, Leigh, for reviewing..