Part of Paradise~Sonnet~

`` Part of Paradise``

                                 
Let me put the stars back into thine eyes
and fill thy long and lonely nights with love
Let me bring to thee some part of paradise
something of heaven's bliss from up above
Let me wrap thy soul 'round a milky moon
turning dark shadows into new white light
I'll embrace thy heart and heal deepest wounds
chasing thy cold fears to a warm clear night
No more shall fog or clouds hang in the sky
as a thousand bright stars shine into view
Nevermore,shall you wish swiftly to die
let me show how much love I have for you
Yes, I'll put the stars back into thine eyes
and I shall bring thee, part of paradise
                          

                         ~*~                        

  
Let mine eyes drink a sky of stars with you
paradise big dipper shall fill love's cup
Eclipsing much more than a full moon's view
A lion's share of the heavens above
shall be ours as we dance the milkyway
Let us drink of the star's dazz'ling bright light
bask in the glow of paradise display
Let us embrace love, deep into the night
yes,we shall share a paradise divine
love's bliss 'til an eternity of time
I'll give unto thee ev'rything which is mine
and let thy soul drink in the stars sublime
I'll sip with you heart's wine from gods of love
and give thee part of paradise above

 

Reviews

[SM Davis]

Eclipsing much more than a full moon's view
A lion's share of the heavens above
shall be ours as we dance the milkyway
Let us drink of the star's dazz'ling bright light
bask in the glow of paradise display

FRAN!!!!! Oh my!!! yes, basking in the glow of paradise display....this is again a true display of your many wonders in writing. You've grown so much ... your abilities seem boundless as you stretch your romantic wings. Absolutely stunning.

[Cynthia Yildirim]

This is lovely almost like a chant, I can imagine someone speaking this at night in front of a fire gazing into the moon. I love the language that you use also. I also love to use thy, and thee. I love how Shakespeare use to write, so why can't we too? :) We can and you did it very well. Thanks.

[A. L. Robinson]

"Let my eyes drink a sky of stars with you"

"let your soul drink in the stars sumblime" ( I think this is my favorite line)

Absolutely Beautiful! Well structured as Emily said!

[Emily]

This is really great. There is hardly anyone on this site that I've found who can write brilliantly structured poetry like this and still evoke such wonderful emotions.

There are a few spelling and grammatical mistakes I found, though. I don't think they were stylistic choices, so I hope you don't mind me pointing them out.
- capitalization of "i" in the last and third to last lines of the first sonnet
- comma usage in "Nevermore, shall you wish swiftly to die" (doesn't need a comma)
and "I'll give unto thee ev'rything, which is mine" (also doesn't need a comma)
and I'm not sure about this phrase, but depending on the meaning you're going for you might have another unecessary comma "Let us drink of the star's, dazz'ling bright light"
-spelling of "divine" in the 9th line, second part

Just tiny little things. This is really a great poem. I love it. If I could figure out how, I'd bookmark it. haha. Really, great job!

Thanks for entering this in The Art of Seduction!

[Lydia Shutter]

Ah, yes, sonnets....I still say you were born to write them, my friend.
"Let my eyes drink a sky of stars with you" Deliciously romantic imagery in every line....but this one was my favorite. Divine poetry! Lydia