`Mercy~Her Sigh`

My Sonnet based on Ophelia from Shakespears "Hamlet" Her thoughts as she lay dying

 

 

She sighs his name with her last dying breath

he her wind in the ashes of death

she pleadsby faint light of sad blishish moon

bellowing mercy~her departure soon

her shadowed soul death may escort from pain

her spirit has died as willows weep in the rain

life intolerable,misery doth claim

she grieves and does think herself quite insane

now quietly she slips into a watery grave

relaesing her soul to the winds of space

she conceded with saddened heavy heart

Mercy appealed~oh that gods do their part

yes,'tis but glory which doth await in death

and his name she did sigh,with last dying breath

Reviews

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The great old spirit of romanticism � so many people are confused here, think romanticism is that happy go lucky thing about fluffy valentine's day presents � if only they read Goethe � Romanticism � the almighty omnipresence of nature: including that Saturnian revelation that upon the dying breath there flows a moment of eternity �

[None]

A beautiful poem gilded with such sadness. What a sorrowful love story. The love over-rides the pain though. A grand and endearing write.

[R J Askew]

i especially liked 'watery tomb'.

[Phil Askew]

This may or may not be a 'sonnet.' That is not important, what is important is what you've accomplished here. You have portrayed a scene from "Hamlet," and done it justice. Your poem sounds "Shakespearean." I'm sure that was your intent. All of the couplets rhyme, save one (more later), and that is no easy task. I like the near repetition of the first and last line. "As willows weep" is brilliant.
A few things to consider: Look at this switch of lines; Move L7 & L8 up to replace L5 & L6, in other words switch these pairs of lines. Having done that switch the new L7 with the new L8. Now, for that non-rhymed couplet, just change "grave" to "tomb" and "space" to "doom."
I enjoyed this reverb of "Hamlet" very much. As to the form of a sonnet, I'm no expert there, but check your line lengths. It's good to see ole Will getting a replay.

Phil

[An Ordinary Woman]

Oh wow - this is one of the most beautiful poems I've ever seen ! I absolutely love it, its splendid in message and form.

Yes,'tis but glory which doth await in death
And his name she did sigh, with last dying breath ... amazing how the flow and wording is so perfect it simply glides off the tongue. Fantastic writing!

Also, I want to thank you for reading and reviewing "Me and my Dreams" ... I really appreciate your kind and thoughtful words.

[GentleGenille]

Very beautifully written. Great work - imagery and all. Very good I enjoyed it immensely.

[Jadarae]

Oh my goodness... this is absolutely beautiful.

[Tomás Ó C..]

I loved this poem, its imagery, wording and the fact it rhymed. Bravo!!!

[Barry S. Maltese]

How romanticly sad and tragic. Yet, her last words were his name, that maybe somewhere far away, he would hear her, and know of her undying love. Nicely written

[T.k. Sutter]

Beautiful! A very descriptive piece based from a wonderful Shakespearean character! I love it!

[TL Boehm]

you have captured the 'essence' of the old romantic/tragic poets in this one...well done. And the illustration is a nice companion for the piece.