My heart and soul doth dwell in dark secret love yes, a deadly affair stained in dark crimson blood
'twas no victory won, as vaults of heaven cried my hand still frozen to the gun as my lover's cold blood did run in leaden rain drops died.
yet, no remorse had i nor heavy heart to bare and left him bleeding there near fresh dug graves nearby.
the graveyard winds blew brisk that dark, dreary, night and the rain that fell was marked by hell as i ran in shivering fright
a bullet between his eyes kept running thru~my mind he had sworn in the name of the Gods of Love ,he would right our love and he'd be mine.
but his promises stood empty, he would not leave his wife now crimson blood runs down his cheeks,and curls 'round blue lips,oh, cruel, love unkind.
a dark sinister love so deep and intense, such was ours, hidden in a denizen of darkness, clandestine~backstreet bars.
on dim-lit corners,stealing a kiss in alley ways to embrace no disgrace,nor shame, always in rain, the same sneaking game a love without any stars.
'hell hath no fury like.... so i would murder him again and put the bullet in thrice and not think twice in my head 'Alas my dark secret love lies in dark crimson blood yes, cruel love so dead.
I had to read the piece that beat out, "Scream for Ice cream" for third place in this contest. I can now see why, this is a fabulous piece and contains tons of visuals for something scribed one page in length. I think Scream may have been too long for this contest but with pieces like this running against it I'll have to do better than psychotic canabilistic clown to gross out the moderater.
Loved this. Reading it was like being in a laser light show, appealing to the ear and eye.
Dave
Posted 16 Years Ago
5 of 5 people found this review constructive.
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WOW!!! YET another ABSOLUTELY brilliant piece! I am quickly becoming a big fan of your work, and I can't wait to read more of it.
Anyway, I love this. It's dark, and spooky, just how I like it, and I love how you said "'twas no victory won,
as vaults of heaven cried
my hand still frozen to the gun
as my lover's cold blood did run
in leaden rain drops died."
I'm not completely sure, but for some reason, this was my favorite stanza. I have read and reread it five times, and It still puzzles me why I like this one. This poem is perfect. I love it.
This is the perfect blend of love in death. I Love how there is an affair that makes the other lover jealous with rage and had no choice but to kill the loved one.
very dark and deeply emotive, good take on the prompt of crimson and I thank you for your efforts here. the overall sense of the piece was a little sinister for my taste
Fran, this freaking rocks. I am always amazed by the manner you give your words life. I always feel like some fanboy when I read your stuff. Some people know that I am not a fan of form, rhyme, or any reason - yet I have never felt any sense of strained effort, no sense of the words being plastic, none of that dismal sense that somebody is trying to hard. I have no idea if you labor away or if the words just pour forth, they flow with both such an ease and with such polish - one could never tell. This is marvelous. Thank you for sharing this with us... it is a very dark piece, so wonderfully dark.
I loved this! Excellent description and rhyme. Everything flowed so beautifully, and I really adored the fourth stanza. Reading it outloud, it sounds almost like a cute limerick or something & yet the language is so dark. Great job!!! =)