Chapter Five

I've seen heaven, I've seen hell, I've seen all that's in between. I'm trapped between good and evil, in a place I once called home. Now I'm a prisoner of this place. Cast out of heaven for saving a demon, rejected by hell for being the line that separates good and evil. I'm a monster, I've fallen. A blinding white light took me, and the searing red pain brought me back. I remember hearing my blood sizzle off the sword when she stabbed me, a thick black covering the crimson blood. Black liquid oozed from my wound when she stabbed me that day.
'I can't do anything to reverse the moments of betrayal, but I can offer help. I can make you like me. You can start over with people who won't abandon you. We won't leave you for dead. You'll never be alone.' Her words still give me chills. Not because they scared me, but because they comforted me.
So I asked her to do it, I begged her to kill me. But now ill never die, ill only fade from existence. My body will deteriorate until I'm nothing but bones and ashes. My mind will escape until I'm screaming like a banshee. But I wont die, I'll only be forgotten and rejected. I've seen it happen. I've seen basements filled with decaying life. I've seen living corpses that can't die no matter how much they screech and kick. I've seen the fate that I chose.
I slide on a black dress, with deep purple details and lace. My feathery and torn wings fold to my back, and I conceal them with a thick dark grey cloak. I also conceal the rapier fixed to my waist. My long blond hair falls over my shoulders. I used to pull it into a low side tail, but I can't do that anymore. It makes me miss my old life too much. I'm painfully reminded of who I used to be, and the freak that I am now.
The betrayal I feel has nestled deep in my bones and stomach. I don't pity myself anymore, instead anger has clouded everything I once felt, and everything I've once seen.
I've seen friendships blossom. No, wait... I felt that. Goddammit I felt it. I cared about them so f*****g much, and they left me for dead. They may as well have killed me back at the hospital. If I hadn't been so selfish I'd still be with my older brother, Derek. He'd still wipe my tears when I couldn't hold them back, we'd still be laughing together, and maybe by this point we'd visit our father at home together.
It's been one year exactly since I last saw the half bloods I traveled with. And for most of my time here I defended them.
'I wanted Fabian to get away,' I lied to her, I lied to myself. I wanted to live, I needed to survive it. I still had so much to live for back then. My mother and Derek were still at home waiting for me. My father was still dying in the hospital. Derek never met his half brother, and at the rate death inches towards my half brother, Fabian, they never will meet.
A sharp pain jolts down my left knee to my ankle. I recall the months of torture, of burning my flesh, of bounding my hands and feet and breaking my limbs until I swore on my life to never defend the half bloods and until I told them everything I knew. I told them about Phoenix Blaze, I told them about Rippir, and Fabian's powers and how to get around them. They wanted to know where they were, and where Mark was. I had no idea at the time. My left leg never recovered after I was changed.
'Coral,' a hand appears on my shoulder, 'it's time to leave,' Rose says. She stares at me with her black, empty eyes. The irises were solid black with the pupils bleeding into them, leaving black empty holes in the centers of her eyes. Since my death, my eyes look the same. Her hair is black and thin, framing her slender sunken face with chaos. Her nose is crooked from a past break that never healed right. I suppose it could be the same situation as my left knee.
I take a deep breath, 'I'm ready,' I say.
I was officially declared dead a while back. It usually takes more than a year for a missing person to be declared dead, but the remains and scene showed no signs of survival.
I'm going to my funeral.
'Ok, remember why you're there. Don't get distracted.'
I nod, and head out to the staircase that leads up to the main floor of the abandoned church. Mold has started to creep out from the walls and ceiling, thick dirt and cobwebs surround the pews, and papers litter the floor.

Rose and I exit through the back entrance of the small church and head towards my funeral.

I didn't expect anyone to be here when I showed up, but lots of people came. None of this feels real. The relatives who abandoned my mother when she needed financial help showed up. The funeral is held in another church, with no casket as my body was never found. A photo of me has been placed up and dressed with flowers. Annoyed, I scan the crowd. I don't know why Rose would think she'd be there. I don't even know if she's alive. I start carefully walking between people, trying to keep my head down. I can't have anyone see me now.
I stop dead in my tracks. I see my mother leaning over the photo and flowers. She's wearing her one black dress, and has her face buried in her palms. She's crying, the scene is so familiar. She's crying like she used to every night after dad left. I want to go talk to her. I want to go tell her I'm here, and she doesn't have to worry. I want to wipe her tears and tell her how much I missed her, and that I'm coming home.
But I can't.
I keep walking and looking for my target. She has to be here. I head outside to the cemetery out back. It's empty, except for one person. I see the so familiar yet distant figure of a boy older and taller than me. My brother. I head over to him, quickening my pace. I'm not supposed to let anyone know I'm alive, but I don't care. Derek has to know. But before I get there I stop. He's staring at a grave. I look confused at him, he's not crying or sad like the rest of the people. He's gone cold. He looks pale and distant. He's thinner than the last time I saw him, and there's no joy or life in his eyes.
'Derek,' I mutter under my breath. I keep walking towards him, and when I stand beside him, he doesn't move an inch. He's staring at two stones, not one.
God no, this never should've happened. First I see my stone. "In memory of Coral Blackwell, an angel who brought light even in the darkness.”

Next to mine I see my fathers. This never should have happened. This is all wrong. They could've been a family again. He should've gotten better.
'I'm sorry for your loss, Derek,' I say. I get no response. I just want to hear his voice again. 

'When did dad pass away?' I ask. He turns to me, still cold and lifeless. I keep my head down, eyes fixed on his headstone.
'My father died seven months after my sister went missing.' His voice is sharp and without the comfort I was once used to.
'I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have said what I did.'
He looks confused, but looks back at the graves.
'What are you talking about?'
'I didn't mean what I said that day. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry for everything. You don't deserve this.'

'I was a horrible brother. I couldn't even protect my sister,' he snaps.

Chills crawl up my spine. Nothing feels real. He was the best brother i could ever ask for. I desperately wish i could tell him. 'I'm sure you were a fantastic brother. I'm sure she had great times with you,' I try to hold the tears spilling over my eyes.

'You sound just like her,' he says distantly, 'You even look a bit like her.'

I pause. 'We were always really close,' I tell him, tears now flooding down my cheek. This is all wrong. I want to tell him I'm ok, and I'm coming home. But I can't, because it's not true. 

'Don't stay out here too long, you and mom have to stick together.' I start heading back into the church when I hear Derek call to me.

'Coral?' he calls. 'It's you isn't it?'

'No,' I respond. 'I'm sorry.'