foreshadowing

im sitting in class, the glow of the computer lighting up my sullen face. 

rip-the-wind: ive never been to a public school...'' says my virtual friend, the friend that is a little strange, and lives miles away, ill probably never met him in person

burninghearts28: lucky, its not any fun lol

rip-the-wind:idk, maybe itll b fun. watching the humans haha

burninghearts28: not when those ppl are jerks

rip-the-wing:u bullied?

burninghearts28: yes. sucks, but its whtever.

i have spent months talking to this faceless person, and i learned that he is an odd ball, and has dreams f killing people. usually that would freak me out, but when you've grown up like i have, its okay. its just dreams. i have dreams of burning things, watching the flames dance as they burn flesh, and hair. the screams that come with it. it makes my head fuzzy thinking of it.

''ms.blaze"  a heavy hand comes down on my fragile shoulder, causing me to jump. i have a bruise from where that man... the one from the gun shop beat me... ''shouldn't you be working?''

''starting now sir.'' since i was touched in ways i shouldn't be, ive become quite, reserved. alone. rip-the-wind is really my only friend, and i his. maybe one day i could met him in person. 

Reviews

[David Jae]

I like what you done. Your characters are compelling and I enjoyed the angst that you put in it.
For me, it is a little too heavy on exposition. Don't just tell us things like the fact that he has dreams of killing people, reveal that through your dialogue. It will make it more powerful.
Also, you need to pay more attention to your punctuation and use of initial capitals.

Still, I can see a lot of potential here.