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this is something i did for a project in my english class.

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   There are people screaming, crying, and mumbling to themselves. I bet you can tell where we are. Yep. A mental institution. My name is Edward Weston Brown, but you can call me Dr.Brown. I am a worker here at Newberry mental institution. There are a lot of …. how can I put it …. “Sick” people here. Men, women, even children. But there is one man imparticular I want to talk about. His name is Bruce Flemming. He is a thirty year old police man who went insane after failing to find the person who had murdered his wife. Her name was Amy. Bruce is quite the character. Ha… I remember when Bruce chased one of the female nurses around doing the kissy face. But that’s a different story. Our story starts only a few weeks when he got here.

“Amy, where are you?” Bruce yelled.

“Mr.Flemming, please calm down.” Nurse Brown, my wife said soothingly. “I’ll bring you your dinner.” She walked away and left the door opened. Bruce went out the door and explored. That’s when he met the very person who could change Bruce’s life for the worst.

“Hey buddy, over here.”  Bruce looked over his shoulder to see a young boy waving to him. The boy looked about twelve.

“Have you ever been to a bank?” the boy asked with an evil grin.

“No, my wife always did.” Bruce mumbled. The boy stared at him for a second then, as if deciding Bruce was the right idiot for a job…

“Me and a bunch of my friends are going to rob the biggest bank around here. You in?”  Bruce thought for a moment then nodded his head.

“What’s your name?” Bruce asked

“Max Patterson. Yours?”

“Bruce Flemming.”

“Well Brucie let me introduce you to the gang.”  Max said. “Yo guys over here” he yelled. Just then six other children joined them where they were standing.

“This is Fang and his twin brother Slang.” He pointed to his left. Fang and Slang had short black hair and matching black pants, black t shirts, and wait for it….. Black jackets.

“Their little sister Angel.” Max pointed to his right at a little girl the age about seven. She had white hair and her skin was peaky. She gave a kurt nod.

“My brother Skull.” he pointed to a small boy about eight. He was standing next to Angel looking very scared. He was shaking and looking around just like a scared animal looking for an escape route.

“Gazzy and finally Johnny.”  Gazzy was standing next to Slang. He had brown hair and blue and grey eyes. Johnny was standing next to Skull with a bored expression on his bony face.

“Angel take Skull over to his room and play a game or something. Skull stop fidgeting.” Max looked at his little brother.

“Sorry Max but, THEY ARE GONNA GET ME!!” Skull started to scream and swat away invisible hands. A nurse rushed over to calm him down but to now avail. She gave Max a scowl and Max kept smiling evilly. Skull was led away by two doctors kicking, screaming, and scratching as they took him to his room.

“My brother thinks the devil’s servants are going to drag him down to hell for killing our parents. They were drug adicters.”  Max scowled then went back to his usual evil smile. He looked to his gang and said

“We all agree to leave at midnight?”  everybody nodded their heads and turned to leave to their rooms.

“Do you have a watch with an alarm?” Max asked

“No” Bruce sighed

“I do. I’ll wake everyone up when it goes off.” Max turned and left Bruce standing alone in the hall. I came up to him and led him to his room where his dinner was waiting on his table.

“Here you are Bruce.” I said. I pointed to his dinner and left him alone in his room.

 

 

   It was eleven- fifty nine and Bruce was lying awake on his bed waiting for Max to knock on his door.

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK.

Bruce quickly ran to his door and opened it to see the whole gang standing there.

“You ready?” Max asked.

“Yeah.”  They went to the front door and the guard turned and stood up. But Fang and Slang went straight at him and punched him in the face.

“Nice one.” Max whistled. They were out and headed to their destination.

“Here we are.” Gazzy whispered . They entered through and open window and almost, almost is the key word here, set off the alarm.

“Ange you know what to do.” Max said. Angel went to the alarm and cut the switch so all the red lasers went off near the big vault. Max went carefully to the door of the vault and opened it slowly.

“Ok who wants to go in first?” Max whispered to everyone there. Angel stepped forward at the same time as Skull. They looked back at Max and he pointed to Skull. So Skull stepped forward then Angel and so on.

“Ok guys split up and look for anything that might be worth a lot of mulla.” Max said. So everyone scattered and started looking around. Bruce looked in a drawer and found a file with his name on it. It belonged to the FBI and curiosity got the better of him. He flipped open the file and stared at the first page.

 

NAME: BRUCE FLEMMING

AGE:  30

WEIGHT: 190

HEIGHT: 6’ 5”

PARTNER: AMY FLETCHER

OCUSED OF: MURDERING HIS WIFE ( AMY) BUT WENT INSANE SO IN MI BUT WHEN HE GETS OUT HE WILL BE PUT BEHIND BARS FOR FIVE YEARS.

 

Bruce was horrified. He had killed his wife. The only one he had loved and he killed her.

 

 

“Bruce wake up!”

“Amy”

“It was just a nightmare sweetheart.” Amy said soothingly.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

THE END

Reviews

[Sasha]

Okay, I'll be honest with you.
I wouldn't give this an A, but I wouldn't give you anything less than a B-. In the first few lines, you used "imparticular". That's not even a word. =/ There's other such errors scattered through your work - usually in the form of missing commas. That said, I enjoyed the way you grabbed my interest in the beginning, how it got simply absurd with the whole bank robbing scheme, and the refreshing realization at the end. Your tone was very conversational (especially at the start) and I appreciated that. You set the scene and described your characters well.
I like it.

[world gone mad]

please comment and tell me if it should get an a or a lower grade. and be honest.