The adventur and terrors of Venge Burns

this is a story in progress but tell me what u think.

 

Do you know fiction from reality? That's the question everbody asks themselves. Hey I'm Venge. I know stupid name right? Well what would you expect from unuasual parents. But the question above is stronger for me than everbody else. But until my fourteenth birthday I thought fiction was only in books but now I know that fiction is reality. And reality is only our imaginations.

 

 

             Chapter 1

         turning fourteen

 

 

 "Venge your mother wants you downstairs," Dad yelled from the hallway. My dads name is Cole and my mothers name is Rachel.

"Comming," I yelled back. I was in my room reading my favorite book for the hundreth time. As i shut my book and put it on my bed I heard my mom slamming the kitchen door. So i ran down the stairs and...

"SURPRISE!"

"You guys," I groand, "I thought I told you no surprise birthday party."

"But Venge its your birthday," my best friend Canter whined. I hate surprises.

"Fine but no more suprises," I mumbled. But boy was I in for it big time.

"So Canter hows your fathers buisness going?" Mom asked.

"It's doing good Mrs. Burns,"

"Please call me Rachel."

My mom hates it when people call her Mrs.Burns. She says she feels like a teacher when they call her that.

"Mom please could we just get this over with?"

"Fine, it's time for preasents!"

When we entered the living room I saw a shadow come across the room.

"Dad, there's something wrong with the lights."

"What do you mean? The lights are fine."

Every one in the room gave me a weird look before sitting in the chairs.

"Honey are you feeling alright, you look pale?" Mom asked. I nodded my head and began to sit on the couch next to Canter when all of a sudden the shadow I saw come over the room came at me and surrounded me in darkness. I started screaming and trying to swat it away from me but to no succes.

"GET AWAY FROM ME!" I screamed. But the shadow wouldn't budge.

"You can't escape Venge Burns," a deep echoey voice said. Then as soon as it started it stopped and I could feel my head hitting the ground as everything faded to black. But that creepy voice was still vibrating inside my head.

"You can't escape Venge Burns

 

       Chapter 2

     Waking the sences

 

  As I came to I could hear my mom whispering.

"Mom, where am I ?"

"Venge, oh my gosh your okay!" Mom squeled. I was sore all over the place that i could barly move.

Mom, where am I ?" I asked again.

"At the hospitle."

"You gave us quit a scare,"

"Dad your here,"

"Of course," Dad smiled. They both looked rlieved and tired.

'What happened ?" i asked.

“You were spazing out and shouting at something to get away from you,”

“Canter, you’re here too?”

“Yeah buddy it’s me,” Canter smiled. I wondered if I should tell them what happened. About the shadow and the evil voice. But I decided not to because I was afraid they would think I was crazy.

“Thank god you’re okay,” mom said again. I could tell they were really worried about me and I felt myself swell up with pride. It felt good to know you had people who care about you and would do just about anything for you.

“How long have I been here?”

“About three days,” Canter explained. I tried to get up but Mom put out her hand to stop me.

“You shouldn’t get up yet sweetie,”

“Yeah dude you hit your head pretty hard on the ground when you passed out.”

“Well guys I think we should head out and get some grub and let Venge get some rest,” Dad said.

“I agree, I’m pretty hungry,” Canter said.

“Canter you’re always hungry,” I laughed. He stuck out his tongue at me and followed my parents out the room. After they left the room felt empty like all the happiness in my life went with them. I was suddenly alone in my boring hospital room. And I was scared. Infact I was petrified. I didn't want to be alone when and if the shadow should come back to finish me off. Maybe for good this time.

"Your right."

"Whose there?" I asked.

"Me," said a man as he walked into my room.

"Who are you?"

"My name isn't important right now," he said, "but what is important right now is to get you ready if the shadow should come back for you."

"How do you know about that and how did you know what I was thinking?" I asked. Then it dawned on me. "You can read minds!"

He nodded his head and smiled. This man was mysterous and could draw you in with his smile. He ws at medium height for a regular adult and he was very thin. He had short black hair and had his eyes hidden behind mirrored glasses.

"What do you mean when you say you need to get me ready for the shadow?"

"We need to wake up your sences,"

"What do you mean?" 

"Gosh for one so weak as you, you sure do ask alot of questions." I looked down at my blankets, abashed. I was curious. And when I'm curious I ask alot of questions.

"What I mean when I say "wake up your senses" is this," he looked at me with intence eyes and all of a sudden I could feel myself getting lighter. As if I was air its self. Then when I looked back down I was floating above my bedand I was freaked. For one, I was scared of heights and second, this was just impossible.

"How are you doing this?"

"With my feeling sense," he explained. He was smiling and looked like he was enjoying this. I wasn't.

"Well could yopu let me down now, I'm scared of heights." The man laughed and stared at me while moving his head down. As I was gently lowered onto my bed I was trying to figure him out. Then I finally figured out what he meant.

"You mean you can do that with the five senses."

"Yes and so many more," he said, " so you ready to leave?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well you can't train here with people watching," he sighed, "we have to leave and you might not get to see your family or your friend again."

"Why?" I asked incredulously.

"You'll be putting them in danger if you stay near them longer." I didn't want to go with him but I didn't want to put Mom, Dad, or Canter in danger either. I had a lot of choices to make in so little time.

"Can I say goodbye to them?" I asked quietly.

"Yes, but don't make it obvious," he smiled. Then he began to back up and disappeared. Just like that and he was gone. I had to poke myself in order to make sure I wasn't dreaming.

"Ouch," I wasn't dreaming. I had to leave my family and my friend and start a dangerous and maybe even lonely life. I was about top cry till I heard my mom laughing. I'm going to miss that the most, I thought.

"How was dinner?" I asked trying to sound normal like this wasn't the last time I was going to see them.

"Great and how is our little soldier doing?" Mom asked me with her smile that I love and will cherish forever.

"Good," I was trying to remember all their happy faces and not wanting to leave them. But I had to for their sake. Mom looked at me with a concerned face and asked what was wrong.

"Nothing,"

"Don't lie to me, there's something off about you," she said with a motherly but stern voice.

"I'm fine," I giggled. Even though I wasn't in a giggling mood. Mom didn't look convinced but she let the subject go and we started to talk and laugh together. I was definitley going to miss this. But as the time passed and nighttime came with its darkness, my mom fell asleep and Dad brought Canter home and came back to sleep. But i coulnd't sleep, I was waiting for the mysterious  man to come so we could leave.

"So you ready?"

Yea," I sighed as the man materialized next to my bed. I was getting used to his disappearing and reappearing at random times now; he didn't freak me out anymore. As he helped me out of the bed I looked at my parents and whispered a quick goodbye.

"Get beside me and hold my hand."

"Before we go I think I have the right to know who you are."

"My name is Nicholas, now are you ready?"

"Yea," I sighed. And as the room faded I tried to imagine how my parents would feel if I had told them the truth. Would they try to stop me or think I did the right thing and follow this complete stranger to who knows where? But I knew I did the right thing and put it in the back of my mind as I went on the adventure of a lifetime.

 

             Chapter three

            I'm hotter than the sun

 

       As the hospital room began to fade I could feel my self fadding with it.

     Then a new surrounding began to come into veiw. It looked like a forest but

      began to become clearer it finally looked liked a room. Not just an ordinary

      room but an elegant and large one. I didn't feel like I belonged here. It felt

      like a queen or king belonged here and it was like I was tresspassing.

      "Where are we?"

      "I believe we're in thirteen-twenty,"

      "What!" I couldn't believe it. Things were getting weirder these days.

 

 

Reviews

[Midnight_Mask]

Tip: Now I think you should start putting it into a 'book' mode, as you can pick in the add writing drop option. Then add the chapters as 'chapters'.

I love your creativity and to write it off the top of your head is amazing. Potential. Keep it up. Personally, I'd like to see you pro-long the beginning (obviously you don't have to, just advice which you can choose to take or not) Just introduce everything with detail as you do and put your character in everything you do, e.g. your character likes to read books and loves her family, only child I suppose and has only one friend?

I was drag into this, to find out what the shadow was and who the guy 'Nicholas' was. Very good ideas and tension.
I'll advise you just to go through and edit it, there are a little spelling mistakes and grammar mistakes.

[Roxie Demonia]

thats very long

[world gone mad]

it is a story in progress. i started to write it when i was bored and i just couldn't stop so there it is

[deeps]

This is very well written and creative.
I like this write. It has detail and imagery.
Very well written.