'Life Sometimes Happens . . . '

A/N: These chapters are not going to be in order. I write them as they come, but please do not hesitate to share your ideas or ask questions- I love hearing your input.

 

The only woman he ever loved, apparently . . .  my sister reminded me of this earlier, and it shot into my heart like a cold, needle-injection. But I don't see why it should-

And anyhow, if he’s going to pine after some woman, and not move on with his life . . . well . . . but then really, it makes me desperately sad to listen to her callous and cold remarks. Why does she talk to me about her as casually as a casually-mentioned topic? It’s like we are talking about the weather . . . doesn’t she know how it irks me?

But it also makes me feel desperately sad to think that I could never even come close to being that person. Never come close to being who she was, or what she meant to him. I think, for a time, that things will be good, and that I will be able to get to know him as though we were starting anew . . . on a completely clean slate. And then reality comes, and like a demon from the past, it pulls me into a dark vortex, where all of my thoughts are sucked down into this spiral of doubt.

And all I know is the darkness.

 

But you know, even though I don’t understand everything, I need to try and know him. Even if this is a demon from the past that he carries, I need to be, and care, and try to know him- because, as much as I don’t want to, I do care for him. And neither of us can take away what has already been. Life happens, and you have to accept things as they are-

He said that to me, once. Matter-of-factly, without bitterness. And, although I never thought his words would directly affect me in any other way than the context in which they were said, they did. Because, life does happen. He never meant to fall in love, and to go through the heartbreak of losing that love after it happened. I never meant to, or expected to feel the way I do now- the tragic part, it seems, is that he unknowingly forfeited love as second time, merely in saying it.

Funny, really. Ironic. An odd ripple effect. A girl who I never even knew, who left to move on with her life several years ago, left him with heartbreak. The impossibility of my desires are weightier than all the gold in the Seventh Kingdom. But, he is the one who said it: ‘sometimes life just happens.’ That’s the way he views it. It’s a wonderful perspective . . .

It’s why I love him. And yet, he said it- that life happens sometimes and there’s nothing you can do. It’s almost as though there was a voice in him, which he wasn’t even aware of, whispering that I should give up. He never knew that the Spirit of Love had once again visited, and that he was pushing it away again. But I knew, that as surely as he said the words, in the moment I said the words, that my dreams were hopeless. He was then, and would always be in love with someone I never met, whose spirit shut away a lost soul- one that may have been able to love-

What right had she to do it? And how could a man, who I felt so strongly about, whom I might have loved- the spirit of which is still inside me- trap my spirit? And then soothe my sorrow with the matter of fact piece of rationale: ‘sometimes life just happens to you.’ It seems rather absurd when you think about it. Fairly ridiculous. And yet, that spirit is still inside me . . . and never lets me forget its presence.

She is always crying to be free . . .

Just as the spirit the girl left behind cannot return to her. Is it ridiculous to think that I might be the one to return it? I wish I could. You know what the ironic part in all this is? I can’t even be angry about any of this. That’s probably the worst part. Because I understand him. I know the terrible feeling of one’s soul being torn apart by another presence . . .

And there’s nothing I can do except put down these thoughts, bearing in mind that someone might read them. I don’t know what the effect of them will be, but since ‘life sometimes happens,’ who knows? Maybe something will come of them. And, it will be for the good or the bad. Hopefully it will be for the good-

But either way, one cannot do anything but sit by and watch the effect.

Reviews

[Chris]

"unknowingly forfeited love as second time" - "as" or perhaps a?

"He never knew that the Spirit of Love had once again visited, and that he was pushing it away again. " - this line raised a question in my mind. He was left behind - you said. He loved her and SHE moved on. So how was it he pushed someone not in love with him away?

Other questions arise - has he in fact "settled" for a relationship with THIS character OR is she merely hoping he will?

Chris

[Foxemerald]

Hi Chris,

Thanks for your questions. To answer, therefore, the ‘spirit of love’ who had once again visited, was the second girl. There were two girls represented here . . .

The first was the girl who had in fact walked away again. The second was the girl who loved him in silence, her love unnoted (a.k.a., myself). Thus, ‘he would have never known that the spirit of love had once again visited . . . ’ The first love, while having walked away from him, did not leave him alone. Love had once again come into his life, but he- still feeling the presence of the first, which was much more a spirit or memory- was unaware. Or unable to see it.

[Philip Muls]

You capture very well caring for someone who is living only for a love lost, a girl he cannot forget. It is unfair and hopeless and dark. And yet you cannot walk away because you care and you want to show that new love is possible.

Well done. Could you review some of mine, maybe you will relate.

[Foxemerald]

Thank you very much for your review- I appreciate your thoughts. You seem to understand the essence of my writing very well. Yes, I would be more than happy to look at your work, and will drop by when I get a moment. Thanks again.