Here I Am

Just a wee bit of creative ranting I suppose.

 Here I am just sitting here with some cigarettes and a lighter, movies tend to be the place from which I can draw upon things to help me. From the kiss to the sex, and the getaway to the hideout, I'd be pretty screwed without em' honestly. I don't really smoke, I am deathly afraid to even try one of these damn things, they kill and I know that. They're supposed to take the edge off, to cushion the life I thought I'd want. That is to say this problem-women who until last night I was able to stand quite well in my opinion.

Other people can't take too much of her, she isn't exactly the greatest character in mosts' eyes. She's the kind of girl that finds a man and kind of sticks with him and a few friends who can tolerate her- well I don't mean it like that, that word, tolerate. Sure it fits and hell that's probably the best word for it but it makes me feel the worst. It isn't toleration that I go through when I'm around her and I'd like to say the same for everyone else but the fact is that it may not be that way. I can't get into people's heads too well, that may be what landed me here in this, uh, pinch.

I try to be pretty careful with my words, it's a habit really, one of many. I just can't hate to think that what I'd say is looked at under a microscope but the fact is that's how it is. The simple impolite text gesture or the wrong thing perceived the wrong way can just throw logic to the wind with most people. To be honest in this regard I think that we are all guilty, personally I know that things like love and general curiosity can lead me to look at something harder than an English professor. It's this kind of human instinct to just know everything that I can pin this whole situation, for the most part, on.

People are just the worst kind of scum of the Earth, with this much I agree, all they do is fight and dissect everything. They have this incessant urge to know things that don’t concern them, there is some kind of humor or entertainment to this degree which brings them together. People need people to know. People need people to learn about things easier. If there is one other thing that people are other than curious it is lazy. People want to find the easiest way to get the same or similar results. They settle, it is much easier to ask someone about something rather than to get a definite result by searching on their own. People are not always right and the whole world works like a huge goddamn telephone game. A group of people actually learn something, they stand before the truth and take their own notes on it. That stuff gets passed down through so many dirty hands that by the time it gets to other people its more twisted and mangled then you can imagine. People need to learn to get out there and be the people to observe things with their own eyes.

Even these guys aren't the best, they are the kid of prying idiots that bother me more so then the people who spread it. These people who sit there and try to find these truths certainly compromise too, in that they form their own opinions based on the truth, these predictions further mangle this truth from the root. They are sick and twisted people in general and for that reason I'd like to encourage people that would not normally even consider looking for their own truths, to just do it. These people that never search for the truth are the ones who are most appalled at it and appreciate, its those that get nothing that appreciate it and while I can't erase the people who already do not appreciate these truths, I can try to convince the common man to go out.

So anyways back to the situation at hand, sitting here wrapped up in some blankets, cuddled in this cute little concrete outlet on the outskirts of the city. Well I wouldn't consider it much to be the outskirts, I couldn't tell you where the outskirts of this damned place are, like the sea it just seems to stretch in all directions. This place is quite calm though, I will have to admit, there is a light mist hanging in the air, just enough of this amber light to work a bit with this paper. There's a concrete river, at least it's supposed to be the outlet where all the rain goes, it rains here quiet often, it should start again soon and when it does this will again turn into a quick running stream. For now its quite calm, beneath the surface it's probably flowing hard and swiftly, from afar it looks so slow and calm though. You really wouldn't be able to guess from this far either, even the object suspended in it don't seem to be going too fast, they gracefully move about in it, suspended. It's all quite nice until you fall into it, even hopping in with the intention to swim will only give you a slight advantage. Either way taking a plunge into that really would be a bad day for anyone so I digress.

Why am I in this s**t-hole out here? That's where the story starts and I apologize for the theological issues I've blabbered on about up until now, and appreciating this stupid river. So I got involved with this crowd here a couple of weeks after I made it to this city, which is a story in itself. So I get here and after a while I meet some of the biggest shots of the city, they were suave, and their lifestyle amazing. They could walk along the most hideous ghettos, they flash their swagger moving down the dirtied and discolored sidewalk and just scream an essence that makes you not want to step them. They stand out but at the same time they feel like they belong so damn much. So damn much it makes them stand out. They are so relate-able and alienated, so suave and yet rigged, rich and poor. They were really a walking paradox, the whole lot of them. Anywho, being a sort of journalist, and no not those prying pricks that I was talking about before, I wanted to get some info on these guys. See I always have a journal at hand and that's what I mean, stuff fascinates me, people were not exactly my forte. I kinda stuck to nature and structures and just a physical story rather than the moral and physiological elements of it, they always seemed frivolous. Never before had I been so intrigued until I met these people whose only distinguishing explanations for their being could be found in this category of description.

So one day, I grabbed a paper and walked out to the street, I was ready to get some answers. These men and women simply glanced at me and through some subconscious nod to eachother they immediately knew in unison what to do. See, walking up to them I didn't know it but at that moment it was the fact that I stood out so much from the background folk that at once these people took notice of me. I have learned that most people at some point or another question the validity of the conscious existence of most people on this Earth. It becomes tough to fathom the idea that there are so many people out there that all share the same ability to comprehend the world that you do. Then there is the complete rejection of this belief in which you convince yourself that you are the only conscious entity in this world and all these other people are background characters to your existence. Like machines they are programmed, there is no real feeling or consciousness to these people, they are simply parts of your mind. Then there is an in between leaning to the latter. That is where I and this lovely group actually could be found. There is a narcissistic tendency that we all have to believe that we are more important than most of the people standing next to us. We didn't care too much for the common background character who did not make themselves known to us. It is our world and other than a select few, it is made for us to live in and enjoy.

-end for now...

Author's Note

Ignore any grammatical and spelling issues, THIS I didn't proofread, I'm ashamed!