A Fresh Start for a Broken Heart

I wrote this poem after my ex-girlfriend who I have been in love with for 4 years started dating someone new.

I broke her heart as she broke mine, 

Just got the pieces arranged in line,

But today she left without a sign, 

So with this broken heart I pretend I’m fine,

There is nothing more I fear,

But do I try to live without her here?

I could go on but I won’t live,

She took all that I had to give,

I had my chance, I made mistakes,

Causing both our hearts to break,

I betrayed her trust and destroyed my soul

Now I’m a half while she’s a whole,

While I was making right of all my wrongs,

You were out just moving on,

But you knew how much I still cared,

Or were we just beyond repair?

When I said I loved you, you began to cry,

That let me know I had to try,

But now I see I had no chance,

For behind my back was new romance,

So today I’m gone, without a trace,

I’ll leave this love that I’ve disgraced,

I’ll collect the pieces of my heart,

And drive my way to a new fresh start,

Ya that’s it, today I’ll go,

As I take my heart and begin to sew,

I’ll leave our love locked in time,

Just to cleanse thy heart and mind,

Tear me, repair me, that’s all you do,

But today that stops, I’m done with you,

Forget you ever knew my name,

Cause i’m not coming back again,

So best of luck with all you do,

Know I’ll always feel for you,

But this is what is best for me,

Cause you moved on with no mercy,

I'll grab our pictures and face my fears,

Moving on I'll save tears tears,

For I know I gave us an honest try,

So I’ll force a smile as I wave goodbye.

Author's Note

I would appreciate any positive form of criticism or comments. Thank-you :)

Reviews

[Cassiopia Summers]

It's really good, and it flows well, but there are some areas where it's a little choppy. In the last stanza why don't you try removing the first so, and changing the last so to still. And in the line where it says "...new fresh start" it would flow better with "...fresh new start." In the stanza
"There is nothing more I fear,
Should I try to live without her here
I could go on but I won’t live,
She took all that I had to give,"
Try changing should to 'but do' and take the 'that' out of the last line in the stanza.

Let me know if you'd like more thoughts on this piece. :)



"

[Cassiopia Summers]

And btw, I can completely relate, try reading my piece titled Blood and Mascara Tears. I think you may understand.

[Cynthia]

I like the rhymes, but I think it worth a try without rhymes :) Cause to em, without rhymes can bring out the emotions better :) However, I like the poem how it is right now, keep it the way you like :) Heart breaking poem, its hard when she's whole while yours are broke, you just feel like... betrayed by her and your own.. I understand the feeling, great work!
Nice Written!!

[Brett Forsythe]

This is meant to be read slightly faster and with somewhat of an angry tone. Thanks for the comments guys, I will definitely consider this.

[foreveryours<3]

It is good I agree with Chris G. but it is still a good poem I really relate to this poem:)
Keep on writing