Down The Pub

Two lads having a chat down in the pub. An entry I wrote for the Irish Times and Power's short story competition

"You're nuts" he declared, slamming a hammy fist down on the oaken counter-top, the sudden outburst drawing enquiring glances form other patrons of the bar. He sheepishly looked around, his ruddy face taking on a deeper shade of red. Turning back to me, he lowered his voice "You're crazy, there is now way he was the best. To begin with he was too greedy and was not a team player"

 

I leaned forward on the bar stool, pointing a finger at him, dirt from the days work still lingering under the nail, "And what would you know, ya dope? The last time you togged out for anything was to be the anchor at the local sports day tug-a-war, and we all know the reason why they even asked ya for that!" I said punctuating my point with a jab to his protruding stomach

 

He coughed and sputtered for a moment before regaining his composure and slapped my hand out of the way, "You think you know it all, Mr. High and Mighty"

 

"Well I did kit out for my county after all" I said, drawing myself up on the stool and looking down on my companion

 

"That was one time and the only reason that happened was because of a clerical error, ya eejit!"

 

I grunted and turned back to lean on the counter, looking in the mirror I saw the door open and admit a fine looking young brunette and her friend. I watched as she placed a hand in front of her mouth and laughed as they took their seat in the corner of the bar. Nudging the big man in the ribs and nodding behind me, I continued my vigilence of the local talent. He turned around awkwardly in his place to blatantly look at her as I raised my eyes heavenward

 

Turning back, he gave me a lecherous smile. "She's a fine bit"

 

"As if she'd ever be interested in a lump like you!"

 

He thumped me on the arm, "Feck ya, I'm handsome!"

 

"You're about as handsome as  a slapped pig"

 

"And you're...."

 

His insult was interrupted by the sound of two glasses clinking down on the counter. We both swung around to see Jimmy, the owner, standing there with two glasses of amber goodness.

 

"On the house boys, ye did a fine job ploughing me field this morning"

 

Without uttering a word we snatched up our glasses and took a deep swig, as Jimmy turned away

 

As we finished off the drinks Jimmy turned back to us, "And for the record, Michael Donnellan was the best footballer this country's ever seen...."

Reviews

[emmajoy]

There's a good turn of phrase or ten in this.. flows along very nicely, two guys chattin' away, happy with their mutual teasing and all. Good finish, crisp and clean, a grin of an ending though it could have been longer, I agree with Enjoy, could be a scene rather than a full drama.

[Enjoy]

Never having been to the "pub" scene, or europe in general, I barely have a grasp on some of the language used here. However, the piece is interesting and the flow is fantastic.

But this could definitely be a scene out of a movie.

[£15 + A S**t BJ]

hahahahahaha!! f*****g class :')

[Holly Von Darling]

A very good use of realism in this satire ! :}

[Thomas Fitzgerald]

Satirical, silly and fun, a well written piece, tickled me to no end

[Fabric Pulse]

"You about as handsome as a slapped pig..." Lol! So silly.

[Brad]

HAHAHAHAHAHA! i thought for a moment i had gone home to drink with me uncles

[Crystal Kelly]

I really enjoyed this. I like the detail you incorporated. I really would like to read more :)