Chapter one

First Time you witness Espy Gray's life, you meet in this chapter her father, mother, Casey, Mackenzie, Mary and grace.

What it means to be alive.

I saw it out of the corner of my eye. His big greasy right hand coming at me full speed. "SMACK!" Dish soap and water went everywhere. As I fell to the floor of our new kitchen in our new house meant for a new life, I realized nothing had changed.

It has started; the fight is going to go on all night.

My vision blurred as I stood up in front of my drunken father and watched his every move, making sure i would know when the next strike was going to hit. Trying to protect myself from the monster, i ran as fast as i could with my head pounding. i saw the white wood door, “safe” i thought as i entered my mother’s room. If only she was awake to save me from him.  

 "Espy! She is not awake, she took her evening cocktail. You know she won’t be awake until morning" His voice boomed behind the door as he walked up the stairs, i knew he was laughing. Laughing at my foolishness, silly me to thinking my mother would care. i looked over to her dresser looking for a weapon or anything, but then i noticed the pill bottles. Sleeping pills, antidepressant and the worst whiskey. He was right; with that combination I wouldn’t be surprised if she sleeps through her alarm clock.

"Crap". I whispered as I opened the door hoping to make a fast escape to my new room. I am too slow, too weak. He picked me up with both hands shoving me against the wall in the small hallway hitting my head once, twice…three times. He was making the headache worst if that was even possible. i gulped in air and tried to gather the strength I had left then I let out the loudest scream I could, trying to be louder than my brother's rock music blasting in his room. I guess I was.

The Next minute Allan flew out of his room, he was like superman but with eyeliner and black skinny jeans. He saw what's going on. "Let go of her" he said in a stern voice as he walked towards us. I closed my eyes, I didn't want to see the next punch. I felt my fathers hands let go of my arms I slowly slid down the wall too weak to stand, to scare to look.

“THUD”! At this point I was not sure who hit who but I was sure some one fell on the floor, I didn't want to look even if I did my vision is so blurry from all the tears, that I wouldn't be able to see much of what happened anyways.

I curled up in a ball and covered my face. I waited two or three minutes to calm myself, then raised my head to see the battlefield around me. It was quite, too quite. Allan’s heavy breathing was the only sound that filled my ears. My father was laying in the hall way face down, Allan was standing there with life less looking at me with his big green eyes full of fear.

He swallowed it away closed his eyes and said "get in your room, I don't want to have to save you again" then he walked into his room shut the door and cranked up the guitar solo.

I scrambled to my feet, rubbing my eyes I made it to my new room a sigh of relief as I curled up in my blankets as if they were walls, I felt protected by the cotton around me.

At this point I would cry and feel helpless; I remember when I wouldn't sleep for days because I was so scared he would come back for more beatings, or worst. Allan use to protect me more when we were younger, when he felt like a super hero and took pride in standing up to our father, but as we get older he is getting more and more fed up with his nightly rescues. I wish it would just go away and I could have a normal brother with a normal mother and father and a normal house, but I have noticed its nights like this when I am lucky to even be alive. This is a night Allan has a heart lately he's been missing sympathy for my weak defenses. I always play the role as the victim never the hero.

I pulled out a photo of me last year with grand in California. I really miss it there, it was the best time of me and my brother’s life. This photo was taken right before I left about 7 years ago, My grandmas gray locks still had strips of dark velvet red mixed into her gray. I am glad that my grandmother and me look so alike. We both have curly, lustrous, deep velvet red hair with a natural highlight of brown. always kept long, are face is sprinkled with light brown spots both have a fair complexion that glows with a hint of pink on are pale white skin, but what we share that I love the most is I have her striking almond shaped emerald green eyes that always seemed to shine in the warm sun light. I dozed off thinking of my favorite person in the world. Slipping into the dreamy happiness, I always dream of a day I am by her side again.

"Wake up". My mother said shaking my shoulder. "You have to take Casey to school, don’t forget to take Mackenzie to day care". I opened my eyes, they felt heavy as the light shined threw the dusty old window. My only sores of light.

"I am up" I replied to my mother in a sleepy tone, not to convincing but she really didn't care. She didn’t care about anything.

"Ok, bye I will be home around seven make dinner it’s in the freezer" she shouted at me as she walked in to the hallway and disappeared like always, gone. She wakes up early to get a few drinks before work and stays out late to get drunk before coming home because she knows she couldn't stand life without her baby liquor.

I got up and grabbed my towel off of my bedpost. I turned on the shower and got in. The warm water felt nice on my neck and head, I was sore. I wetted my hair and started to rub shampoo threw it. My scalps burned bad, I quickly rinsed the shampoo out and noticed it was bloody and raw. From what happened last night, minor injuries this time.

I hurried and washed my body got out and slipped on clothes. Last year’s skinny jeans and Hawthorne heights band shirt. I haven't went school shopping yet and I don't plan too, best thing about moving around all the time is no one notices that I am wearing last year’s clothes. I sighed and brushed my tangled hair trying to not hit my sore spot.

"Espy!". Casey yelled. That's my Queue I grabbed my backpack and went down stairs.

"what's wrong Casey?" I asked grabbing Mackenzie from her hands rocking her back a forth clamming her whimpers, why give a baby to another baby doesn't make since to me I thought. "Come on, Casey" I nudged her out the door.

It was cold and kind of rainy. So I covered Mackenzie with the blanket and put my hood on, I hate being in Portland its always so wet and cold, nothing like California where grandma sally lives I sure miss it there always warm and sunny.

"I am so excited I can’t wait to go to a new school and meet new people" Casey said splashing in the rain puddle.

"Yes, it is very exciting" I lied but I didn't want to bring her down. I am just happy that she can live on with a bright smile and it not be a lie I didn't want to be the reason it was either.

Falcon elementary school was only a few blocks away, easy enough that Casey will have to walk home alone because I’ll still be in class. "Well you're here." I said to Casey with a huge cheesy smile plastered upon my face.

"See you later" she yelled walking off as her dimples faded into crowd.

"You’re not going to give me a hug!" She ran back and rapped her arms around me.

"I love you,” she whispered.

"I love you too, now go to school kiddo". I hated this always having to play the "mother part" because are mother was too fucked up to realize that she is failing to show love.

"Baba" Mackenzie mumbled she was getting sleepy again, she always wanted her bottle when she was about to dose off.

"Here is your bottle,” I said giving it to her." come on time to go to daycare." I tried to keep her up long enough to get there, it was nice to have her daycare close to are house as well only down the street from the elementary.

What a nice set up I thought as I entered the daycare, they were lucky because Mackenzie was just about to fall asleep. The daycare was a bright yellow with peach curtains and white carpet pretty nice, toys were scattered everywhere many children were playing with them, there was also another room in the back of the room on the door it said "nappy room" written in red on a white door.

"How may I help you?" a young woman maybe in her twenties asked rocking a baby in her arms. She had long black straight hair and big brown eyes, quite thin she seemed like one of those girls on TV for those stupid modeling shows, only weight 5 pounds and had perfect skin no b***s or curves because no one made clothes for girls like me. C cups when I was in the 5th grade and have monster hips, one thing I am happy about is I am very slender even though I have a wide bone structure and huge knockers.

" Uh, yeah I was wondering if I could sign her up for daycare Mondays threw Saturdays?" I asked not sure how to do this.

"Yes I just need you to fill these paper out." she said in a loud jolly tone, handing me a packet of papers and a pen, taking Mackenzie from my arms I would not usually allow some one to hold Mackenzie but I oddly trusted this lady she seemed like she knew what she was doing. I sat down on the floor, and started to fill out the papers. I couldn't help but notice some guy sitting down and coloring with a few of the older kids he didn't seem like a "child lover". He wore a black long coat and baggy blue jeans with a belt, his hair was messy and black greasy looking too. Kind of nasty. It was then I noticed he was smiling at me, not a happy smile but a sweet hello smile. His eyes were a cloudy blue mostly covered by his shaggy hair.

I looked away, not sure what to do. Was I just staring? And he started back. I thought as I finished filling out the papers. I stood up, and walked over to the young woman again. "I don't have a home phone, but other than that everything was filled out,” I said handing it to her.

"Ok thank you for signing up for catholic daycare center, I have to ask will it bother you to know some of are workers are here for community serves, were kind of low on staff?" she asked. I knew it he wasn't here willingly probably got caught selling drugs or hijacking a car, ha. What a punk and to think I thought he was cute. As if. "Miss?" She interrupted my thought.

"Oh no it won’t bother me." I smiled.

"Ok. You want to say good bye to your daughter." she handed me Mackenzie. I kissed her four head and gave her back. I would of corrected the woman tell her I am not her mother, but I kind of am, have been sense aunt Katie got into meth and handed little Kinsey over to my mother, and my mother gave her to me two years ago. I never found out what happened to kinezy's mom, but if I find her I will give her a piece of my mind for a bonding Kinsey.

" I never caught your name?" she said.

" I am Espy, Espy Gray and you?" I replied.

" I am Mary hawk." she smiled and I walked out of the door, the rain has picked up so has the wind. It was colder. I zipped up my sweater and put my hood back on.

Waiting for the bus was longer than I thought. I was waiting there for at least 10minutes. School doors open in 20minutes I really do not under stand why school start so late 8 thirty o'clock is the latest I have ever seen any school open, I guess it is good because it gives me time to drop the kids off.

I stood at the school keeping my mind busy trying to pass time... other people started to show up I could see them forming into groups no one was alone everyone had some one on there side, but me. I saw my brother he fit in perfectly with a group of "punk kids" I saw that boy at the daycare center standing by my brother, but Allan still stood alone. He was stubborn to show any weakness or need for anything. Like friends, but I knew he would make some friends if not with the guys the girls would fall all over him by tomorrow always do.

"Hi, I am grace" a bright blond preppy girl cheered loudly at me with a huge ear to ear smile (perfect white teeth).

"I am Espy." I said in my quite voice gripping my Sketchbook tightly. Meeting new people make me uncomfortable; I tried to not let it show.

"Are you new here?" the obvious question was asked.

"Uh. Y-yeah." I stuttered terribly.

"How old are you, you look a bit young?" she almost cut me off.

"I am 14, and you?" I asked not really curious but I didn't want do be rude, today is not the day to have enemies plus I need a guide around school.

" I am 15." she said reading a text message her face crinkled into a million wrinkles as a smile came across her face. " Uh I have to go, we will have to talk later Espy." She said my name wrong and then she walked away into the crowd of people hooking her arms around a beautiful blond boy.

*RING* school bell rang.

Well here I go. I thought as I pushed threw the crowd of people to the front doors of Falcon High. inside wasn't to shabby brick walls and normal multicolored tiles on the floor. the office was right there as you took your first steps inside I guess I didn't need a guide after all. "hello?" I said looking for some one in the office.

"oh, hey welcome to Falcon High Missy" a sweet old lady said standing no more that 4 feet from the floor.

" I am Espy Gray I am here to pick up my schedule"

"oh, him-mm let me see here...ah here you go sweetie" she handed the paper.

"uh, this is my brothers schedule Allan gray, I am Espy gray."

"oh dear I am sorry. here you go"

"thank you" I smiled and walked out.

now I have to find my brother to give him this, the thought of walking around this huge school hunting down Allan made my backpack feel heavier. lets see what classes I have to take.

Espy Gray .M

School hour’s 8:35-5:45

1st. algebra 1 & 2 miss Stanley Rm. 153 8:35-9:40

2nd. history Mr. frocks Room 78 9:45-10:50

3rd. English Mr. Carson Room 62 10:55-12:00 (home Room)

Lunch 12:00-1:00

4th. Science Mrs. Noreen Room 98 1:05-2:10

5th.P.E Mr. Kane & Mrs. Lane Room 67 2:15-3:25

6Th. Spanish Mrs. Rachel 108 3:30-4:35

7th. AP English Mr. Carson Rm 62 4:40-5:45

I am not too happy about having math class first thing in the morning or not having an art class at all. I never liked it much I got so bored and I can never do a long division problem or multiplying factors or even plan algebraic problems. At least history was next, I always like to learn about all of the old wars and presidents, but that was last years history class who know what I will learn in this one. I mean what kind of name is Mr. frocks sounds kind of loony to me.

English was my strong point in school I like reading, writing and I can just forget about life in most English classes. I either get lost in the book or the writing prompt, the one thing I hate about this class is I never get enough time, but now I have two English classes. AP English I never have been in an AP English class before? I can wait until the end of the day.

Boom all my books fell to the white tile flooring and I fell hard on to my back.

Author's Note

enjoy!
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