Mettle Cage

A quick poem looking at life in reverse.

i am twenty

there are years that i cannot recall

people places faces lost to the fallible human mind

emotions and interests that have ceased to exist

fallen wayside to tarnish and grit

but i know things looking back in the gilded mirror of my life--

i was seventeen

my parents began to joke about grandkids

and my heart stopped

i hadn't told them the words i had found 

the words to take away my chains fears sadness confusion

but i could hear their answers already

and i kept my words secret

unwilling to allow them to leave smudges on my words

and downplay them

i was sixteen

i found a word for me

hours of research absorbing new language

ideas thoughts connections that made me feel whole

and i felt my human heart beat once again

with the joy of the revelation

that i was not as broken as i had thought

and that i was not alone in my iron cage

i was fourteen

others thought it was weird

that i wanted to keep my own last name when i married

and that i didn't already have my wedding planned

my mother prodded me about boys

and i told her they were gross

you'll change your mind she said

you just haven't found the one

you'll change your mind

we laughed 

but inside i wished she could see 

the irons that she was clapping me in

i was thirteen

there was a boy

snarky sassy engrossing human male of wit 

and charm and logic and i thought i loved him

but it didn't feel right

it didn't feel real

i didn't know i didn't feel

i was ten

i upset my father

telling him i wanted to adopt children instead of bear them

he told me i would change my mind

that children couldn't know what they wanted

that this was a phase 

you'll change your mind

you'll change your mind

you'll change your mind

i didn't know that would be my life's mantra

i was six

and everyone had a boyfriend or girlfriend except me

but i was okay with that 

i was proud of the iron cage that guarded my heart

i didn't know that there was a word to describe it

but with the muted fumbling vocabulary i had

i knew it was okay

i knew i would be okay

... i am twenty

and my six year old self

knew herself so much better

polishing that iron cage

and showing it off with a puffed chest

unafraid and unapologetic

without grit tarnish shame

and i thank her every day

Author's Note

Thank you for reading. :)

Reviews

[Ufi Auttorri ~ Amy C. T..]

Marvellous! Careful, careful... you're about to make some ink drip from the swirling turbulence that is Jupiter's emotional realm; massive, uncontrollable, unrelenting and exploding with the colors of a nascent universe. I see a galaxy unfolding, inhabited, not barren, bold, not shy... step by careful step the process of its barred beauty unfolds. The black holes seethe with envy - they reach out with their invisible fingers, attempting to collect its essence into their gaping maws but to no avail. Out of reach, this one... driven from within by mighty engines of imagination and a sense of truthful purpose that will not be denied. I revel with an unabashed glee as its journey unfolds.

100 gleaming spanners

[Emma Lee-Riviera]

You always make my day, Ufi. ^^ Thank you.