A Happiness Divine

Don't let the sun fall and let the amber fade,

Let my emotions be frozen in time,

For this happiness is divine,

Upon perfect moments truer words could not be spoken,

For when you hold the heart of another,

Responsibilities are given in turn.

Let me lead you through the waterfall,

For in this haven we may hide,

Within the sanctuary of our love we may shed our burdens,

And let the happiness flow,

Releasing the weight of the world like butterflies in the wind,

Nothing so pure...

Could be tainted by the temptations of the wicked.

Let me share this moment with you,

And lay my problems to rest,

For when I escape into our safe haven,

Sadness cannot penetrate the barriers. 

Reviews

[Brittany DeFranco]

awww! I like this one too

[Mia]

So...I don't know if you remember I said '. I’ve come to learn that you can completely forgive a poem for not being perfect if it has one line that you grabs you.' Well this poem needs no forgiving. It's made of lines that grab me. Every line I read became my favouirte and I think it would be completely ridiculous to quote back your entire poem. Did you change this? Because I'm reading some of these reviews and I'm soooooo confused. Or maybe I don't take rhyming seriously enough...whatever I don’t care. This was great.

[Mia]

Actually I think maybe it’s that sometimes I read things that rhyme so beautifully, and that’s ALL that’s beautiful about the poem. Poetry is so much more than writing down words that just rhyme…in my opinion anyway.

[Forgotten]

No I didn't change anything about this poem, it's just not for everyone this poem :) I'm glad you liked it however.

[Mia]

:)

[Bats In The Belfry]

Beautiful sentiment. I enjoyed the imagery produced by your thoughts and words.

[Coyote Poetry]

"Let me share this moment with you,
And lay my problems to rest,"
I like the desire and the positive emotion in the poem. Good to find someone to feel safe with. Thank you for the excellent poem.
Coyote

[Patricia B. Hepler]

,..'For when you hold the heart of another,
Responsibilities are given in turn...'

'...Let me share this moment with you,
And lay my problems to rest,...'

Two of my favorite sentences in your poem.

Genuine love or obsessive love?

Enjoyed reading your work :) ~ pat

[Lizbeth]

I enjoyed this poem, but it does seem different to other poems you've written. Perhaps leave it some days and see if you can get some inspiration, maybe from nature or other poetry, as suggested by another reviewer.
But I don't think your writing is slipping, by any means :).
Thx for sharing.
Lizbeth

[Anonymous Girl]

Loved it :)

[Dr. Wood ?]

It is probably that you are trying to rhyme too hard....Make up your mind if it is to be free verse or more structured. I write in metered rhyme almost all of the time, it can be easier to follow the free verse route but the words still have to flow.

your opening line might be more relaxed if it read...Don't allow the sun to fall or let the amber fade....this says the same thing but it flows off the lips a lot easier. Look at it again and try to turn the lines around ...It is a good poem with a lovely message..just needs oiling

[Emily Dickinson Jr.]

The rythme is slightly lacking in my opinion but then again I'v read a lot worse. Its a good start though and Im sure youll improve

[Forgotten]

Thanks for the honest review :) This work wasn't good I'll admit, I'm not sure what is up with me, I'm kinda slipping a little :(

[Emily Dickinson Jr.]

lol dont worry maybe you shud try a few courses? or find a poet who you think is really talent and study their style a bit. thats what I personally do when Im stuck you can always count on me for the truth

[Forgotten]

Thanks :) I guess I'm just trying to find an inspiration right now, but I don't know, I haven't been able to find it :P

[Emily Dickinson Jr.]

when I need inspiration I just let myself feel an emotion and craft my poem around that emotion without thinking about the topic. Or think of a memory that evokes an emotion out of you. An issue that evokes pation. Or a change of scene like nature can inspire you as well! I wrote my first ever poem while staring at a plum tree :-)