An inspirational Man

I was sat at the bus stop in Gloucester waiting for my girlfriend (who is now my ex-girlfriend). This was 2 years ago so forgive me if the details are lax or hazy to my mind. Where was I...oh yes the bus stop. I was sat at the bus stop waiting for my girlfriend, she had slept in so god forbid I had to wait two hours for her! Anyway I looked across from me and this guy had his face buried in his hands, of course I didn't think much of it I just thought he had a headache or something. He looked up to me and he was distraught, tears were running down his face, his nose was running, this man was a mess at the time. As I looked around people were avoiding sitting by him, there was obvious room on the bench beside him yet people would refuse to sit near this guy. I don't know what caused me to do it as I myself tend to avoid this kind of thing, but I actually sat next to the guy. He looked up to me as if he was surprised that someone was brave enough to go near him. I asked him, 

"Are you okay sir?" which it was quite clear in his state that he was far from it. He explained, 

"I have been diagnosed with cancer recently, and they told me that because it has been caught so late on it is too violent for them to be able to do anything about it, they have predicted I have 6 months left". He told me how he would have days where he was so weak and sickly that he was having to take time off work, he even told me of the unfortunate news that he had recently been fired from his job and now was not earning. He talked to me about his family and this is the part which touched my heart so deeply. "I may have cancer, but that doesn't even matter to me, I have a wife and 4 children none of them which are above the age of 11. If I die how they hell are they going to cope without a father? I feel so useless knowing I can't even earn for them and that they are going to grow up missing an important part of their family". This guy had taken all care away from his death and was concerned only for his children. Now this is a man who had touched my heart so deeply I had the privilege to sit with him for an hour and talk to him. He told me his name was Mark, I never asked for his last name because I did not feel it was right to dive too much deeper into this poor souls life. When my ex-girlfriend turned up I went straight to the Cathedral, they had a board in which you could write a prayer, which they would then say for their next service. This is what I wrote:

Dear Lord, 

Please look over Marks family, this soul has had the strength to put aside the worries of his own health to focus on the future of his own family. He is out looking for a job just to provide for them and he has taken all his interest into taking care of this family which will lose an inspirational figure in their life. Watch over his family and please take this man into your safe haven so he can watch over his family from beyond. Amen.    

This man was an inspiration for me, he is a man I could only hope to be like in the future. I only hope I can carry the same compassion for my future family the way this man did for his. A true inspiration could not have been more simply put. This man to me is a role model. Wherever you are Mark, I hope you can know I have never forgotten the day I had the absolute pleasure of meeting you, and the impact you made on my life was phenomenal. I hope you are resting happily wherever you are and I hope your family is doing well, if they are without you.   

Author's Note

Mark was an inspiration for me, and I hope he can be yours too. I have never met a person in which I could say, God will forgive you for every sin you have ever made, because on the selfless compassion you have for you family. Thank you Mark.

Reviews

[Devon Posley]

This was truley inspirational, it made me really re-evaluate how I've been looking at my life and I'm just glad I read it. Thank you.

[Lizbeth]

This was a very evocative piece of writing, though I think it needs tightening up.
Would suggest first line to be changed as follows: I sat at the bus stop in Gloucester, watiing for my girlfriend (who is now my ex-girlfriend). I would put an exclamation mark after " ... two hours for her!" Some direct speech would be good, "Are you OK," I asked, though it was clear he was not.
... "to much deeper into this poor souls life" should be: too much deeper into this poor soul's life.
.... "they had a board in which you could write down a prayer which they would say for their next service. This is what I ... should be: they had a board on which you could write a prayer ... the worries of ...
the pleasure of meeting
Last line: if they are now without you.

This was a really evocative piece of writing, so I hope you will make some of the corrections I made. It is a shame, because the very first sentence needs to be tightened and it would make it a lot easier to read.
Hope this was helpful
Lizbeth

[Forgotten]

Thank you for your great review :) I really enjoy when people can help with making it better or even spot problems that need to be corrected :) I will get on this right away.

[Lizbeth]

Thanks for coming back to me. I often find it helps to make a printout and leave some time before reading it again: then one sees the shortcomings. It was so heartwarming that you took time to listen to this young fellow,
as he probably didn't have anyone he could talk to ... keep writing!

[Forgotten]

I have made a few changes now, not sure if I made any more mistakes knowing me there are a few lurking in there, but I did not add much speech as I did not feel that was the style I was going for, however I did take your advice and I added a little bit to it. I hope this will be an improvement for you :)

[Lizbeth]

Yes that is just fine. Still two places still (first and third line) where you say "I was sat ..." and think in both places you meant "I was at the bus stop ... " Otherwise it is very thought-provoking.

[Coyote Poetry]

To be sick and have no possibility of cure. Concern for family would be heavy upon the mind. A very sad story. I'm glad you pray for him. Sometime someone to listen to you can give you some peace. Thank you for sharing the excellent story.
Coyote

[xxxrawr_friendxxx]

Awww :3 Mark seems like a great guy. It's difficult to see people so sweet go to cancer... One of my best friends has cancer, she's just a child. But you choose your inspirations well, it seems. Good job :)

[∠( ᐛ 」..]

Wow. It's so inspiring and outstanding. :)
Great write.
Rating 100/100