How to Say Goodbye

changing schools is never easy, especially when you grow on people and have to leave them.

I've come to say goodbye and I know it seems too soon

but I've got to move on in life

and struggle to survive

I'll be long gone but please keep the spirit of me alive

In just a couple of days and in a

short couple of months I'll be on my way

and its too bad you can't come

Two words I hate to even have to say are goodbye

 

I'll be on my train to destiny

and I won't let change get the best of me

I'll quest and change the world

in eternal search of peace

When you get that feeling then look over your shoulder

just know it's more than wind and remember me

just remember me, remember me .... remembeeeer meeeeee (whispers)

Reviews

[S. Michael Long]

why does anyone need to remember you? You speak volumes, you speak truth.. you should never ask your reader to remember WHO YOU ARE! We know who you are.. and (those of us who get you) pour a bit on the curb....I get you.. refine this... make it hurt... cut your enemy and destroy the wall that keeps the reader from hearing your story.. NICE... NO Excellent Write! -s

[外人 (Gaiji..]

Well, i see a pagan elegy in verses:
You used ordinary lexic, easy words everyone can understand, but you took everything you could from them ! You put them together superbly, you've written a melody with them (you can see it from the first verse) !! I see pathos, and that fits perfectly with pagan elegies.
I also see an oral tradition behind your writing, literature at the beggining used to be exclusively (or almost) patrimony of the oral tradition and your writing suits it perfectly both because of the superb melodic flow and the last verse that is full of "notes for the reader/artist" (the use of repeated letters to show the duration of the words and "whispers" referring to the way it has to be played)

[Aehr]

this is just a memory to any one who's ever said goodbye to anyone he/she cares about...
A wonderful read

[Who Cares]

Wow, I am really impressed. This brought a tear to my eye, it reminds me of what my Dad said to me before he left for the military. You are becomeing a better writer day by day. I love witnessing this evolution. This was an outstanding piece indeed.

[TurtleClark]

damn you can write

[Monique]

so sad but we all have to move on at some point

[E. Ryan Miller]

This is good. It's got a hard rhyming rhythmic. Definitely has a rap-sound to it.
There are two lines that feel slightly incongruous with the poem in general. They work, but maybe reword them slightly? (Again, just an author's prerogative kind of thing.) I think the line "In just a couple of days and in a / Short couple of months I'll be on may way" I love these two lines, but in the entire scheme of the poem, the second seems out of place somehow. Maybe if you changed it to "In just a short couple of days and / In just a short couple of months / I'll be on my way" it would flow better, because you will then have repetition going a little more smoothly. Second line is "I'll quest and change the world / in eternal search of peace" I think that maybe if you personalize the second line like the first and say "in MY eternal search of peace" then it might flow better.
Whew. A lot. Again, it's just a matter of taste... but you never know. :)

[Jessica Rae]

I like the emotion in this poem; I hate goodbye's too, so I tend to say "see ya" ;)
You have talent.

[Anonymous Me]

i love this :)

[Roe]

Very lovely write such good emotions