All in All Part - 4

Man is this s**t making sense?

Can I prove the evidence?

Can't play my intellegance

cause I know I don't deserve this

Thinking bout those set of lips

Thinking how I'd like to kiss

Now you're the type of girl that I can't even believe this s**t

 

Can't even believe your words

Can't even get past your lies

Can't move on with my life cause it's all you when I close my eyes

Damn I think I'm out of time

Damn I'm still not out of rhymes

and I could go on and on about how I thaught that you was fine

but it doesn't matter now, plus my heart is shattered now

You helped me make my bed but I won't need you to tear it down

Every single night, I'm not sure what to do

Your mind was on b - s

while my mind was on you

I was betting on the best, cause it's what I saw in you

but you're no different from the rest ... and now I know the truth

Reviews

[S. Michael Long]

well, i guess i have found a kindred spirit! Very Nice! I know where you are going with this, and i like it, my only advise, would be to take your powerful emotion in this, and figure out whether or not you want to write a prose poem (its kind of in that form or at least the rhyme fits that form) or, revise it a bit to flow better (using rhyme, or splitting up the lines so, you could do it this way and it would read easier to the end user.. (this is just my opinion (you dont need to change a thing)
Damn, is this s**t making sense?

Can anyone else prove the evidence?

Don't Question my intelligence

As Life is but only circumstance,

Thinking about your set of lips

Thinking how I'll get that kiss

Now you're the type of girl that wont even believe this s**t



No one can believe your words

They cannot get past your lies

I cant move on with my life

when it's all you when I close my eyes

Damn I think I'm out of time

Damn you consume all of my rhymes

and I could go on and on about how

you told me i was fine.

but it doesn't matter now, As my heart is shattered now

You helped me make my bed and i wont sleep in it, HOW?

Every single night, I'm not sure what to do

Your mind was on b - s

while my mind was on you

I was betting on the best, the better bet of the few

but you're no different from the rest ... and now I know the truth

[AK]

Amazing write! Just correct the spelling of intelligence in the third line unless it is 'intellegance' fir a reason. Also add an apostrophe before bout to make it 'bout. Bout means a session like a bout of malarial fever. Lol! Great job!

[Victoria PoetryBunny]

I like the feeling, the rhyming and the love written in this. You tell honesty, truth and reality also in this which shows well. Nicely written. Enjoyed.

[Who Cares]

This definatly ties all four of the poems together with one general theme. There were very little grammatical errors and it was written beautifully. I loved it and I can see your writing improving day by day. I am so incredibly proud of you, great job.

[Aella.lives]

Definitely a clear image on all four poems in this verse. Good job. :)