Will you even notice me

lonely pre valentine writing.

What will it take to be noticed by you?
you already know I like you and im at the point where I don't know what to do.
i tried talking to you 1on1 and failed miserably.
should I take that as a sign.
to just move on will everything be fine?
even now as I lay upon my bed your the only face I see when I close my eyes.
am I desperate,sprung, obsessed, or all of the above?
but wait could there be a chance im in love?
....naw
....maybe
....i think I am
it has been 5 months
and you only seem to become more beautiful. not to mention your eyes o how I wish I could look you in your eyes.
cause ive been wondering what you see when you really look at me.
do you see a man whos heart beats triple time just from hearing your name? how about someone who is longing to hear your voice even if its just a hey?
or are you like the rest that only see the scars on my arm think im crazy and then stay away.
as they judge and watch as I listen to music at a tree.
while rumors spread making it seem like im a mental f**k up.
please tell me you have your own image of me!
cause I cant take it anymore as each day passes I grow even more lonely.
and you just walk around unphased do you know what you put me through?
your walk alone is enough to take my breath away.
the way your little hips sway from side to side.
and your smile ive only seen it a few times yet its made my day both times ive seen it.
one question are you aware of your beauty?
i hope you are cause I know my dream will never come true.
so I hope you will find someone who will never hurt you.
even if you are soft spoken and barely have things to say
i love you and happy valentines day
~Forever TheLoner~

Reviews

[Trigorin]

There is some potential here as a topic, but your handling of it is rather sloppy. Throughout the entire poem the tone is basically whiny and clingy, which is really not anything that people want to read about, unless it's satire or parody, which this definitely isn't. You need to go over your piece and, although this is just my personal preference, cut down on the long lines and make it more poetic. As it is it's more of a monologue than anything else, or perhaps addressed to a higher power, which would definitely raise the stakes and make it a little more interesting, but you didn't do anything to expand in that vein. I would suggest you make sure you're clearly thinking about the message you want to send with this piece, as art without a message is meaningless. A good first effort, but rather far off the mark.

[ForeverTheLoner]

ill take note of that thanks for leaving a review that will help me in the long run