two halves of the same heart pt.1

when your heart loves two people and u can have neither one of them

Once again I wore my heart on my sleeves
divided into two halves they layed on each arm
as I looked for someone to give all of my love too
my heart as my guide it led me directly to you
but something strange happened it also led me an another
seems the halves of my heart were no longer. Working together
each acted out on its own to find its soul mate
even if being alone is my inevidible fate
but the right didn't care it instantly fell in love
with this girl who wore a gorgeous pony tail
she barely talked
but the glow of her skin made me wanna yell
so I did I screamed into the night sky
pleading for a chance to be able to look her in the eye
the chance came and I had a whole five days
and yet I couldnt even send her a single gaze
with out fearing that she would turn around noticing my stare
as negative thoughts filled my head I could picture her hitting me with a chair
so I abandoned all plans of coming out of my shell to talk to her
hoping that would kill the crush but it only escalted it further
to the point where I seen her in my dreams
o the pain of waking and realizing non of it was real
hit me hard enough to make me comtemplate my love life
every thought about it always ended with the touch of a knife
i had urges to follow those thoughts but I wanted to break the habbit
so I stayed calm avoiding everything I could use for self infliction
untill the day I seen her hugged up with a guy
feelings of anger sad ness and jealousy washed over me
followed by a insatible desire to be in pain
so I hit walls and trees in attempt to break my hand and shatter my wrist
i kept seeing them together so I kept hitting trees nothing on my mind exept how much I wanted to breakthem apart
but I knew I would never be able to do that and the only thing that broke was the right side of my heart