Little Lost Girl

Aren't we all a little lost?

Little lost girl why are you sad? 

Is everything really that bad? 

Little lost girl why do you cry? 

Do you really wish to die? 

Little lost girl what is the worse part? 

Is it the nightmares, the loneliness, or the broken heart? 

Little lost girl why do you worry? 

Don't you know he's not in a hurry. 

Little lost girl why don't you believe? 

Doesn't his love offer any relief? 

Little lost girl I don't understand.

Why you can't simply comprehend. 

Little lost girl, he says to me. 

I am yours and that's all I'm willing to be. 

Yet I look in the mirror and who do I see? 

That same little lost girl looking back at me. 

Author's Note

I've really been trying to write this one for quite some while. I'm still thinking about changing some things, any ideas?

Reviews

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

I like the concept of this one. I think you are correct, we are all a little lost in our own strange ways...I sometimes go through my days not even realizing exactly what I'm doing, just going through the motions.

On to the technical points:

I like the questions, they do add something to the piece, though the questioning does get a little heavy in the first part of the poem. I would do something like this:

Little lost girl, why are you sad;
is everything really that bad?

Little lost girl, I don't understand,
why you can't simply comprehend.

Little lost girl, why do you cry;
do you really wish to die?

Little lost girl, he says to me,
I am yours, that's all I'm willing to be.

--and so forth. The breaking into couplets helps the flow, and the intermixing of the "question" stanzas with statement stanzas also helps the flow. This, of course, is just my opinion.

Overall...I think you are on to something really good here, you just need to polish it up a little bit. :)

[ForeverNever]

Thank you so much! I will definitely take that into consideration!
Most appreciated!

[Tomi]

This is Intense! beautiful too... Kudos!

[ForeverNever]

Thank you!

[West Coast]

so good!!!! the last question was really moving. I loved the whole thing. keep writing :)

[ForeverNever]

Thank you! This is one of my favorites!

[bryandc15]

I love your last two lines:) Keep penning.

[annabellee]

Your poem flows very well and has good rhymes, I really enjoyed reading it a lot.
I actually like it the way it is, well done :)

[Sona]

Its really a nice poem u have written..

[None]

Hello...

I really got a deeper feeling reading the last four lines. Great way to bring it all together. Thanks.

[ForeverNever]

Thank you so much for your thoughts :)

[Kuhr Gred]

impressive.. ;) Keep up it.. But, I suggest to make a poem that can inspire everybody .. specially, readers likes uplifting words. :)

[ForeverNever]

haha thank you for your thoughts. Typically I focus on this style, but every once in a while I feel like writing an uplifting piece. Thank you :)