Confusion

You say you care for me, but
Why are you not here during hard times?
You say you love me, but
Why do I see conflict in your eyes?
You say you need me, but
Why do I feel neglected all the time?
You say you love me, but
Why do you hide?
You say I’m yours, but love
Why is it all a lie?

Reviews

[lost_poet]

You truly can feel pain in those lines... such a delicate choice of words, well done. Thanks for sharing

[JayG]

• You say you care for me, but

I did? When?

• Why are you not here during hard times?

Where's here? And what do you mean by "hard times?"

My point? What's in it for the reader? Someone they know nothing about is complaining to someone unknown about events that are never defined.

Poetry isn't about telling the reader how we feel, it's making the READER feel it. No one comes to poetry hoping to learn how someone they know nothing about feels about things never identified. They want you to make THEM feel, and care. They seek entertainment, not information.

My favorite example of this is the lyric to the song, "The Twelfth of Never," released in 1957. Look at the opening:
- - - - -
You ask how much I need you, must I explain?
I need you, oh my darling, like roses need rain.
You ask how long I'll love you; I'll tell you true:
Until the twelfth of never, I'll still be loving you.
- - - - -
Notice the clever trick played on the reader: The speaker is replying to a question the reader supposedly asked, placing that reader INTO the poem, as the beloved who has asked that question. And since the question is one we might ask of someone who loves us, the answer is inherently interesting (especially since, if it’s a good answer we might use it).

So with “You ask,” and without realizing why, the reader is emotionally involved. To me, that’s brilliant writing, because this one makes the rest of the poem meaningful to the reader.

In response to the question of how long their commitment will last, the speaker dismisses it as supposedly obvious. Yet it’s a critical question, so the seeming disconnect again draws the reader in, with the unspoken comment of, "Well yes, you absolutely must tell me, because I need to know." So, given the attitude placed into the reader with that thought, we WANT to hear the response, and it feels as if it's directed at us. And that is a HUGE hook. Right?

The response is 100% allegorical. It says, in effect, “I can’t live without you,” but does it in a pretty, and interesting way.

The question/answer sequence then continues with a clever twist, Love will end, but on a date that’s an impossibility.

It’s 100% emotion-based writing. It calls up context that already exists in the reader/listener’s mind. But even had they never heard the expression “like roses need rain,” it would be instantly meaningful.

It’s part of a song, but this first verse, for me, is a perfect example of emotion-based poetry.

Let's take it one step further, and look at the FLOW. It's metrical poetry, so it rhymes. But notice that the rhymes aren't the obvious Moon/June type, and the words fit the thought so well that the rhyme seems incidental, an accent rather than a drumbeat. And each line has the same cadence: seven beats per line that the reader, or singer, will fall into, enhancing the experience.

Make sense?

The problem behind the problem, as I see it, is that for the author, every line acts as a pointer to ideas, memories, events, and outcomes, all stored in our mind. But too often, for the reader, every line acts as a pointer to ideas, memories, events, and outcomes, all stored in *OUR* mind, because we forget to give the context that will make the words meaningful to the reader.

Aside from the great lyrics, it’s a pretty song. The most popular version of it, recorded by Johnny Mathis in 1958 is here:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2PnPnSjCUnc


Try this: Mary Oliver's, A Poetry Handbook is a great introduction to all things poetic. So try a few chapters for fit. I think you'll find it eye-opening.

https://dokumen.pub/a-poetry-handbook-0156724006.html