Forget the Dawn- Chapter One - Amber

I'm sorry this took so long. Here is Chapter One in 'Forget the Dawn' for those who have been waiting and for those who are new (the prelude has been up for a while now) so please enjoy.

 

I wondered vaguely what she was doing when she curled up on the floor and refused to move- it was such a human behavior that is startled me slightly. Here she was, a girl I had never met until approximately five seconds ago when I saved her life, curled up on the living room floor. Her head was firmly in between her knees and she seemed like she was not going to attempt moving for some time.

 

I noticed how I always managed to get into these messes as she started to sob into her frail body. I always seemed to get caught up in something completely unnecessary. Like this mess for instance. I had only saved her life because Lachlan and his merry lot would’ve partaken of her blood on our territory which is strictly forbidden and I was beginning to think I should’ve let them get away with it.  It wasn’t out of kindness or anything else of the sort- in fact it was mere luck she had been saved, luck and pride that is. If I hadn’t been on my way into town myself they would’ve caught her and that would be that- another victim to the creatures of the night. I could’ve lived with a human being caught on our territory- but no, I had to uphold the treaty.  

 

That’s how it worked around here. I didn’t care for a mere human’s life at all. If I did I would starve- and that wasn’t an option I was looking into right now.  I was quite fond of human blood to be perfectly honest. So the fact that I was now looking after a human girl as my leader Lael and the rest of the coven talked over tonight’s events was sheer stupidity. I didn’t know how to comfort a human child (though she looked around the ripe age of nineteen I still considered her a child by all means). That was Luna’s job; she was then sentimental one- not I. I had no sympathy for humans in this matter. That’s like asking a bird if it feels bad for the worm it’s about to swallow.

 

But I watched her intently- looking her over quietly and carefully so she wouldn’t notice. She seemed pretty for human standards at least. A thin, unburdened frame with straight long chestnut hair… I was unable to see her eyes but from what I recalled by the crosswalk they were a light creamy brown. She had a nice shape and was fair skinned. She was pretty… But the thoughts of that flew out the window as I saw an open gash across her forearm. It took all of my control to slide across the room and back into the chair I had previously sat in. Where the blood was not visible. But even once it was out of sight it was not nearly out of mind.  

 

This was pure torture. Here, my source of food sat right before me and I was forbidden by Lael himself not to touch- and what Lael said was law in my book. Ever sense he had found me all those years ago when I too was a foolish young nineteen year old- but I had been an arrogant boy at those times, and had changed me into what I was now I was eternally grateful for this gift. So when he said not to touch- I did not touch. My entire coven went on Lael’s law- maybe because he was the one who brought us all together- but I will never know. He is leader, and there is no question about that.

 

The girl started to stir from her spot, making me focus on her again. I couldn’t have her wandering freely among a house full of vampires now could I? Containing her seemed the best course of action. Especially with the blood. I was very controlled- being over two hundred you learn it. But the young ones like Vincent or Keat, two other members of this family, it would not be so easily done.

 

“Are you going to kill me?” I heard her ask. Her voice sounded strong but it was all too clear that she was frightened. I could hear the raw fear in her voice.

 

“No,” I reassured- though I clearly didn’t have any idea if I was telling the truth or not. But lying to her didn’t so much a phase me. “That isn’t the plan; if I were to kill you wouldn’t I have just let the others do it?”

 

Did she have no common sense at all? Humans really were such stupid creatures.

 

“Then are you going to rape me?”

 

The idea itself was revolting. “Not planning on it, no,” I answered with disgust as my eyes stared unmoving. Her breathing was extremely loud as we sat there. I didn’t remember having such loud breath as a human, but she had been running after all. I had found her as Lachlan and Charity (a ditzy girl- a member of his coven) herding her down by the beach that was plainly in our territory. She seemed rather dazed and confused herself and it appeared she had been running for a long while.  

 

“Then what are you doing with me?” She was crying again- I could clearly smell the saline. I hadn’t cried since I was human but I had killed enough of them over the years to remember what saline smells like. It was salty and reminded me faintly of blood- and that scent filled the air too. So I tried to focus more on the saline. It was much less tempting.

 

“Not sure really,” I answered truthfully, crouching on the couch in the same manner a cat would. Though I was not planning on pouncing it was still an option all the same. She was sobbing again, though I don’t see why she needed to. I wasn’t going to hurt her or anything; I thought I had made myself perfectly clear on that point before…

 

“Then let me out- please just let me go,” I hated pleading- and honestly it was giving her any points with me right now. Then it hit me- she was still in shock. Someone had just tried to kill her so I imagined it was a natural human reaction. I thought maybe calming her down was the best course of action. I didn’t need a girl having a mental breakdown on my case- talk about a messy situation.

 

“I promise I won’t hurt you, my family and I just want to make sure you’re alright,” I lied- trying to sound as soothing as possible. I had never been much of a soothing person so I doubted it worked. “You’re hurt and-,”

 

 

“I’m fine!” The young girl snapped, taking me by surprise. She had seemed so quiet and docile a few seconds ago… Humans really were amusing. “I just, I need to go! I need to get out of this place- out of this city!” I must’ve scared her slightly- because my eyes did not move off of her and she soon recoiled. “So let me out.”

 

“I’m sorry, it isn’t possible right now,” I added sincerely. I wanted nothing more then for this girl to leave my sight. Her smell was driving me crazy. “It’s all up to Lael.” I said off hand and continued on before I could be stopped for questioning. “I apologize.” It seemed to keep her quiet for a minute or too as she sat up clutching at her arms in an attempt to keep warm. I had forgotten humans are sensitive to cold. “Blanket?” I offered, picking one off the couch and extending it to her.

 

She took it- wrapping her frail body in it as her eyes now fixed on me. I had been right; her eyes were a rather creamy brown.

 

“So- may I ask your name?” A conversation was better then sitting and staring at her. It occupied my mind slightly.

 

“… I’m Amber,” She answered reluctantly after a minute or two. Apparently she wasn’t all too keen to give out her information to a complete stranger. Not that I really blamed her. If I had just almost been brutally murdered I might be a little defensive too. “And you?”

 

“Laurent,” Not that it mattered- she would be dead relatively soon by my prediction.

 

“So, you’re French? I noticed you had an accent, I just couldn’t tell what I was,” She was observant.

 

“Half actually, my mother was from France, but my father was born in Britain where I was raised,” I answered coolly- sparing her a slight grin.

 

“And what the hell are you doing in America, this small town of all places?” She asked as she buried half her face in the blanket making her voice slightly muffled.

 

“It’s a change,” I shrugged. Over the centuries one place got boring but I couldn’t exactly mention that now could I? Humans had stopped believing in our kind long ago though we were always right under their noses. I found it humorous to be perfectly honest. “I wanted a change in scenery shall we say?”

 

“But you don’t look that old,”

 

The fact that she was so observant was starting to have its flaws.

 

“What can I say, I’m impatient.” I grinned slightly but got no friendly smile in return. Apparently changing this girl’s mood would be tougher then I had hoped.

 

“Do you dye your hair?”

I looked at her with curiosity.

 

“That was a random question,” I commented.

 

“Well you don’t see many people with silver hair now do you?” She made a point.

 

“Actually no, it just grows in this way,” And that was the truth. They said it had been a birth defect at the time of my birth. But they knew so little about medicine back then I doubt that’s what it was. But I knew precious little about science. All I know is that was my hair color- weather I liked it or not.

 

“That’s odd,” She answered- seeming to grow awkward again. I was beginning to think the shock hadn’t fully hit her yet. She still seemed in her own world- so I prepared myself mentally for some kind of breakdown. She had only cried for a few minutes- shouldn’t there be more? I could be wrong but that seemed unnatural. “My dad used to have patches of white hair before he died, but he was young… Maybe it’s genetics or something…”

 

“I don’t know much about it myself,” I shrugged. I merely continued the conversation to keep her mind off the nights events and mine off her blood. “Out of curiosity, may I ask why you were wandering the streets so late at night? I don’t think it’s safe for a girl such as yourself to wander alone.”

 

“I told you already… I need to get out of this town…” She murmured almost to herself. “I was leaving, that’s why I have my bag with me.” I looked over to the purple duffle bag that sat by the front door.

 

“And where is it you’re planning to go?” I inquired.

 

“… No where, away from here,” I noticed her discomfort and thought dropping the subject might be a wise choice.

 

“Any reason why?”

 

“I hate it here,” She was lying- I could tell from the shifty pattern of her eyes she had just lied.

 

I found most human patterns are almost identical making them very easy to read. And she didn’t seem to really care if I noticed- her eyes seemed fixed on a red rose that ornamented the rug she was now sitting on. Whatever occupied her I guess- who was I to complain.

 

I vaguely heard movement upstairs and looked at her but she didn’t seem to notice at all. It struck me the differences between humans and vampires then. I had forgotten how powerful my senses where compared to her… Most of the time I didn’t have to worry about it. The only thing I had to worry about was killing humans- I never really got a chance to study them like this. Though it was fascinating it also seemed slightly perverted as I watched every move she made. She just didn’t have the same grace I was used to seeing my family move with and it fascinated me for no apparent reason.

 

I told myself I really needed to go out more as her blank eyes looked at me. That was another factor of her shock- her eyes seemed to show no emotion what-so-ever.

 

I was about to start another conversation when I heard footsteps on the stairs again. The meeting was over.

Author's Note

Don't only comment on grammar- this is a rough draft.

Reviews

[ah]

looks like ur off to a great start, keep writing, hope to read more later, thanx for asking me to read, theres only one thing and theres a "too" in there where there should be a "two"

[Alexander W. Quinn]

Hmmm...fasinatin'!
So this is an interesting turn here. I've read "vampire terrirotial" pieces before, but I don't think I've ever come across a situation quite like this, where a vampire has rescued a human in his territory, at least not with a vampire who clearly would have no problem turning around and killing her himself.
It's well thought through and suspenceful. I loved the inclusion of a vampire being able to smell tears. That was quite fun!
My only wonder here is how it fits to the prelude. Has time passed, or was the prelude, actually, the outcome of this encounter? It's not a bad thing, it actually adds just enough pinch of mystery now that I won't be satisfied until I know the answer, which guarentees you a reader. :-) Remember to send me a tag when you get the next chapter posted.

[Requiem]

Just to warn you I'm going to point ou the grammar and other stuff that I think doesn't make it flow as smothly:

"I wondered vaguely what she was doing when she curled up on the floor and refused to move." Here it seems it just happened. And here: "a girl i had never met until approximately five seconds ago when I saved her life, curled up on the living room floor." That sentence seems like the character found her that way. Plus the second part of the second sentence, 'it was such a human behavior that it [insead of is] startled me slightly." The sentence seems to go flow better without slightly. "Her head was firmly in between her knees and she seemed like she was not going to attempt moving for some time." This sentence... just doesn't seem right to me. It's the 'she was not going to attempt moving for some time.' Switching attempt with be seems to flow better.

These sentences: "I noticed how I always managed to get into these messes as she started to sob into her frail body. I always seemed to get caught up in something completely unnecessary. Like this mess for instance." You seem to be saying the same thing, but in different words. Plus, repitetion.

"That was Luna's job; she was then sentiment..." take off the 'n'.

'But even once it was out of sight it was not nearly out of mind.' How about 'even though it was out of sight, it was not out of mind.' or 'out of sight, out of mind did not apply in this situation.'

'Ever sense he had found me all those years ago...' Sense should be 'since'. 'When i too was a foolish young nineteen year old, but I had been an arrogant boy at those times, and had changed me into what I was now I was eternally grateful for this gift.' Do you mean that his arrogance was the cause of his change? Who else was foolish at nineteen? Was it Lael?

"So, you're French? I noticed you had an accent, I just couldn't tell what I was," She was observant. [instead of 'I was' you mean 'it was', right?]

"And what the hell are you doing in America, this small town of all places?" She asked as she buried half her face in the blanket making her voice slightly muffled. [...face in the blanket, muffling her voice.]

'All I know is that was my hair color- weather I liked it or not.' Whether not weather

Writing in first person is hard, I've tried before and have never really liked the end results of it. But I think the more you use it, the more comfortable you get and flow into it. Anywho. I think this is a good start to the story. The characters need a tad bit more touching to it. It's nice to see a vampire who's old, who doesn't have the Angel complex. I'm excited to see what else you're going to do with Laurent.

[NJ Schneider]

Mmm Looooved it. =D

More, more!!!

lol

[.]

Aw man, another cliffhanger??!! lol. I really like the convos goin on here. The tragic lives of vampires. Seems that today, they still walk among us lol. but i guess they are here for good causes instead of bad. Interesting piece. Plz send the next chapter when everything's finished!

Mikey

[Natasha Ashway]

It's good. I got a little distracted as the conversation between Laurent and Amber carried on but then suspense was introduced just at the right moment, leaving me wondering what happens next, predictably.
Really good!