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A little thing I was worried about a little while ago.

 

Empty smiles

Hollow laughs

A fake attempt

At happiness.

When I alone

Hopelessness ensues

And I'm always crying

Not because I miss you

Not because I'm alone

Because every smile

You turn my way

Makes me feel alone.

You pretend you are okay

You pretend nothings wrong

But every time I talk to you

I only wish

Things could go back

To how they were before.

When we would walk hand and hand.

And when you smiled

Everything seemed alright

But now

I can feel it.

Something feels wrong

And there's nothing I can do.

Reviews

[Dahlia]

An awful situation to be placed in, where we gamble our hearts and sometimes that strike hits unlucky.

[Joseph - Michael]

No, it's alright. You just had to spill your guts. Believe me, I do the strange ways of pouring my feeling out as well.

I'm not going to say that it's good nor it's bad. All I can say that it's complicated, but it's still worth reading. Also, it did pushed some buttons within myself while I was reading it, so it's safe for me to say that I can understand what you're trying to say here...

[Emily B]

Bad? Absolutely not. Spot on. Eloquent. It says volumes.

[Michael Lopez]

venting is koo'

[Imperfection]

Yes, its important to get your feelings out.
I hope you felt better after this.

Its a very sad write but beautifully expressed.

I went through a lot of your work today.
Loved it.

[.]

Woh, yea, this totally moved me. Like I've always said to people many of times, the heart is such a fragile thing. It is meant for only beautiful things including for it to be caressed, loved, and to be filled up with the scent of beauty. It is not made for it to die nor for it to collapse. And furthermore, it is not made to be taken advantaged of, broken, used, nor forgotten. This was heartbreakingly beautiful :) For what has happened, your heart will heal, and day by day, it will become much stronger. Indeed. :) Just a few things to note, in the 5th line where it says, "When I alone," put 'I'm.' And in the 3rd before the last line where it says, "I can feel it," I think that u were implying, 'I 'Can't' Feel It.' Other than these little things, I'd say ya have a brilliant piece. And no, you're not crazy ;)

Bear

[Requiem]

And I'm always crying
Not because I miss you
Not because I'm alone
Because every smile
You turn my way
Makes me feel alone.

With this part I just have to point out that to me, it doesn't seem to flow. You're not crying cause you're not alone, but because this person makes you feel alone. Maybe changing it to something like "And I'm always crying/ Not because I miss you/ I am content with my solitary/because every smile..."

Get what I'm saying? It's not bad at all. If anything it almost is one of those poems one writes and then come back to it later and build up on it. Add more to it. Like at the end... add a little bit of hoplessness to the situation, maybe how he used to make your world spin round and round... or made you actually believe in that happy ending...

[JLMatthews]

Oh wow, that's really sad....when did you write this? It's beautiful, as usual, because the sad poems are always the best, and you're simply good at poetry, but it's very sad.

[V. K. Harris]

I'm feeling your pain, Cheer up, Great write.

[J. Araujo]

its not bad. I feel the same exact way