Dreams- Chapter Two- Tears

Chapter Two

 

“Okay Lizzy, you need to wake up!” I laughed as I pulled the sheets from around her. I heard her soft groaning as the cold met her warm skin. This was my job- to wake up Lizzy. “Sleepy head, hello! We have to get up, band practice in an hour- your Dad is getting ready to go; he needs us in the car in fifteen minutes… Lizzy!” I called, tickling her, making her sit straight up.

“You’re going to hell, you know that?” She growled as she swung her legs out of bed, looking at me with dark eyes.

“I’m quite aware, now you need to get dressed Miss sleeps- a-lot,” I laughed as she stood up- stretching. I noticed how different my personality was around her. Around her I acted like everything was fine, maybe it was because she was Lizzy and she was comical no matter what she did. “I’ll make you tea after I finish packing.”

“Packing? Leaving so soon? We’re going to practice, right? I mean, you’re coming too, right? ” Lizzy looked at me with a furrowed brow. It was funny to make Lizzy confused, she looked cute. I turned, swinging my black hair out of my grey blue eyes so I could see her clearly.

“I’m going with somewhere with Ashley after practice,” I responded, watching her intently. Her blonde hair was ruffled cutely and her blue eyes looked at me with childish curiosity. “So I need to take my stuff.” She didn’t answer, so I walked out of the room and shut the door, letting her have some privacy. “I’m going to make your tea, you get dressed.”  She knew Ashley and I went on escapades and she knew better then to ask what they were. She knew too well she would not enjoy our crazed parties. Though this one was a simple school dance, I might actually go home sober tonight which would be a welcome change. My mom would be pleased at least.

I felt bad that I left Lizzy out of that part of my life, but she didn’t need to know. No one did. Ashley and I were the only ones, all our other friends were utterly oblivious to our life style which I was happy about.

I sighed sadly as I put the tea kettle on and walked into the living room, finishing my hurried packing in time to hear the kettle whistle. I poured the breakfast tea into a to-go mug and walked into her room to see her finishing getting dressed, her shirt just being readjusted as she pulled it down.

“Here you are my lady,” I teased as I set the tea on her dresser and sat on the edge of her bed, watching her do her hair with much amusement. She had a hair fetish, so watching her was a sight.

“Funny Ana,” She teased as I laid back and looked at the ceiling. “So, you look forward to seeing Edward today?” She looked at me, her eyes gleaming. “I know much you like seeing him… I could just slip it out for you-,”

“Don’t you dare!” I snapped.

“I’m kidding Ana; he has a girlfriend, I wouldn’t do that to either of you,” She sighed, looking over at me. “It’s just… You really like him, and it’s kind of sad to watch…”

 That comment made me blush.

I couldn’t figure out why exactly I had told her that I liked him, now all she and Ashley did was make fun of me constantly. I had known him since 5^th grade and had like him since 5^th grade… That made six long years with a crush on him, and I had not uttered a word until a month ago when I had told Lizzy who had told Ashley. Now I was a joke…

But to my dismay he had a girlfriend, and I would not get in the way of that… My feelings didn’t matter anyways. He didn’t need the likes of me, and I knew that. His girlfriend probably sufficed anyway. Ashley had told me to stop being stupid, and she knew him best- they were practically siblings. Best friends since 4^th grade. If she told me I was being stupid, then I was being stupid. She knew his personality very well…

“You’re blushing!” I heard Lizzy tease. “You like him a lot Ana, admit it.”

“Sure,” I shrugged, looking over at her with clear eyes. “But I will not act on my feelings, so like him as I may, it doesn’t make a difference.”

“You’re optimistic…” I heard Lizzy snigger sarcastically, making me laugh. “Yes, that’s Ana, the ever going optimist.”

“Oh shut it! I’m optimistically pessimistic,” I laughed, making her laugh with me. We always had fun, no matter how serious the conversation. That was what I loved about Lizzy. She was light hearted, no matter how much I was jaded; she had a light smile that made my heart lighten a little. We had been friends since 4^th grade, and she was my oldest friend by far. I loved to sit with her in her backyard and remember our days as eight year olds playing games under the blue skies on the swings- or childish faces wide with laughter. Those were the days…  

She went silent for a minute as she adjusted her hair and then turned, looking at me with a slight smile.

“Looks good,” I gave her what she wanted immediately, making her crack a smile.

“To the car then?” She asked, grabbing her tea.

“After you,” I smiled, putting my long hair into a ponytail and throwing my overnight bag over my shoulder.

 

*

 

“Finally, you two decided to show up?” I heard a familiar male voice as I stepped out of the car and onto the lawn of the Christ Episcopal Church. I looked up to find Edward standing in the doorway with his guitar- looking a bit cold, like he had been there for a few minutes. “It’s only 32 degrees outside today.” He teased, making me smile slightly.

“Sorry, my job isn’t as easy as it sounds,” I joked as I cracked a smile as Lizzy got out, her headphones in her ears.

 He looked handsome with his blue eyes peaking out behind his thin framed glasses, his brown hair ruffled. He was taller then me by a long shot, which was saying something, I’m a tall girl…  I admired him for a long second…

This was no time to be staring. I needed to focus on the band. And I needed to focus on my goodbyes… This was the last day I would see him. I felt a lump grow in my throat, but only continued to smile as I pulled out the key and unlocked the door, letting us all in as we waved goodbye to Lizzy’s dad who sped away.

“True, you had to wake her up,” He smiled at Lizzy who stuck her tongue out at him like a five year old, making us both laugh.

“Ashley isn’t here yet?” She asked as she took off her head phones and winter jacket. I took mine off as well.

“She’s going to be-,” But as Edward spoke Ashley burst in the door, a smile on her face as she looked at us with a wide smile.

“I have arrived,” She announced merrily, making us all smile. Ashley was pretty, very pretty. She had beautiful chocolate brown hair with forget me not blue eyes that made most guys stare. Next to her I felt… Plain. Very much so, though most told me I had nice blue eyes, I couldn’t compare. Edward had the same feel, like he ruggedly handsome. I always felt like I was failing to compare with them… Maybe I just degrade myself like that.  

 I had to agree, when I was with these guys I felt alive, like things were okay. My friends were my treasures and I held them closer to me then anything. That’s why I had to remove myself from their lives…

I was hurting my treasures. And that killed me… I couldn’t hurt them anymore.

“Late again?” Edward teased, making her smile amazingly at him, her white teeth flashing.

“My dear Edward, not all of us can be as prompt as you.” She bowed to him, making us all laugh.

 

Practice went unusually well. We actually played the entire ‘Hotel California’- me on keyboard, Lizzy on drums, Edward on guitar, and Ashley on bass with vocals.

“Amazing!” Lizzy smiled as she leaned back on the chair, looking relieved as she smiled at me. “We did it!” I nodded. I didn’t think it was possible, but we had made it through.

“Ana. Awesome job! I think you have it!” Edward walked over to me- giving me a high-five. I smiled at him.

“Thanks, I’ve been practicing.” I admitted. “I needed it too… I’m not that good unless I practice forever.”

“Stop degrading yourself.” Ashley added like a side note- going back to talking to Lizzy. I smiled at Edward, listening to him strum a melody he made last night. He was talking but the words were lost. I looked at my old friend with adoration as he played his heart out for me. It made me happy, so very happy.

 Why had I fallen in love with him? Why were things so difficult? I loved him, that was all there was too it. From his smiling face, to his witty comments, to the way he was so sincere. I loved him. I know I’m only a sixteen year old with no worldly intellect but I was a sixteen year old girl who knew where my heart belonged. I loved him…

 Maybe drama followed me, but all I know was that I had fallen for him and I could feel it ripping my tortured heart into pieces. I was never going to be good enough… But that didn’t matter. I took him in, knowing in a half an hour he would leave and I’d never see him again.

I tried not to remember that and was snapped out of my trance as I heard Ashley and Lizzy laugh.  I looked over and Lizzy rolled her eyes at me, making me chuckle. I must’ve been spacing out again.

But the nausea was creeping back up… I needed more nicotine- fast. This goodbye would be harder then I thought. My doubt was coming back- the one that was telling me not to end it…

I needed to smoke. I needed to stop- god things were spinning way too fast again. Like I was trapped in a carnival ride and hating it while everyone watched. Panic… Panic flooded through me… I hated this. I hated it.

I wanted to stop, I wanted to get off and fall into the arms of someone who accepted me for who I was… Not Ashley or Lizzy, they no longer trusted me. And Edward was ignorant to what had happened.

I remembered the previous year when I had accused my step-father (I lived with my mother, my younger brother, and him) of sexual molestation… Ashley and Lizzy had not taken my side; my mother had shunned me… I had no one. Even the Police hadn’t agreed with me. I could only be pushed so far before I broke. And I was teetering on the edge- preparing for the plunge.

I had no one who knew the real me and accepted it… The bad with the good. I needed it. It was the only was I wouldn’t end it.

I felt tears well in my eyes, and at the wrong moment Edward turned my way, and his face contorted in confusion.

“Ana…”

“I’ll be right back, okay?” I choked out, getting up and running down the stairs and out the door and leaning on the door frame. Pain shot through me and my body wracked with silent sobs. These feelings were too strong, and they were hurting so much…

I shakily pulled out a cigarette and fumbled with my lighter and finally lit it, and sat, crying terrible, revealing tears. I took a drag, relaxing a bit as I closed my eyes and let out a few shaky sobs.

“Ana,” Edwards voice echoed down, and I turned around to find him standing behind me, watching me with guarded eyes. He looked from me to my cigarette then sighed. “You smoke?”

“Yeah,” I laughed, taking another long drag. “I started after I stopped drinking.” I admitted guiltily. “I was feeling sick, I needed a cigarette.” I wiped my tears away as he watched me with cautious eyes.

“Ana, you’re killing yourself,” He said disapprovingly.

“I don’t care anymore.”

He went silent- staring off into the distance as I tried to stop my sobs. But the tears ran down my face like stark reminders. He didn’t ask- he knew I wouldn’t answer…

“Ashley told me you’re going to the dance tonight,” He murmured, trying to change the subject. I shot a glance over to him.

“Are you going?” I asked. He nodded a slight smile on his face. I felt a warmth rush through me. This wasn’t the final goodbye. “Good…” I only smiled, though tears still ran down my face.

I felt a strong arm wrap around me, and a head rest gently on mine as he hugged me.

“Are you alright?” He asked. “I know it’s a stupid question, because apparently you’re not, but are you alright?”

“No,” I answered as I hugged him lightly, keeping my cigarette away from us. “My parents put the house on the market… We’re moving.” It was true, that was upsetting me. Just not the main thing that had me crying. “I don’t want to move to California… I really don’t.”

“I know.” He answered, soothing me slightly with his calm voice. “We’ll be here for you Ana, you know that.”

I sighed as I thought about what everyone would think of tomorrow when they found my body. But I was doing it for them, all for my friends who I loved dearly. They didn’t need me…

“I know,” I lied, but it seemed to satisfy him. He smiled and turned, opening the door.

“Now, put out the cancer stick and come back inside.”

 

*

Reviews

[Requiem]

I didn't notice anything wrong spelling wise. Grammar, I would have no clue with.

Though there's this bit here:
" I know she always tells me everything, and she thinks

But I don't, not by a long shot. "

The first line just ends. Was this intentional? Or was there something there? I'm very curious as to the characters now. With Ana and Lizzy, plus, a little curiousity with Edward. If you want to maybe add a little bit of description to the people (trying to remember if you described Ana's appearance. I know you had put what she clothing she threw on) and Lizzy's house. But some author's like to leave that stuff up to the reader's imagination. The flow is wonderful. The dialogue between Ana and Ashley is perfect!

[Jamie Fantasy]

Great chapter! Everything I thought this chapter needed, I ended up reading by the end of it. I really wanted to see that she was consumed by her depression and thoughts of suicide as I would assume a suicidal person would be. I also wanted to get some sense of why she felt she had no other choice but to end it, which I did. I'm looking forward to reading more. :)

[Vereiya Saturn]

I can totally imagine their voices - the dialogue is excellent. And the cancer-stick remark is something straight out of Mr. Malcolm's playbook. (remember? Hahaha!)
I shall be following this story closely. (it feels weird to relive some of this! But fun. :D)

[Mountain Dawn]

This is definately a good start. I've read from the beginning and will continue. Looking forward to the character development.

[QuillandInkWhispers]

This is a great story so far and I was really enjoying it. I don't see any problem with the spelling and Grammar. Great Job!

[hhoosh]

Agree entirely with Caine Blackwater:
MORE!

And luckily I started late, so more I shall have!

But, seriously, great job. It's not dull or emotionless, the dialouge is definitely perfect, and your characters are realistic and enjoyable.

Also, the fact that Annette is realistic about being "fake" is straight-up awesome. As soon as I read that I fell in love with her

[Kaykay]

great can't wait to read more

[Emily B]

I don't know yet. I need to read the next chapter, I guess. I like her so far. . .

[NJ Schneider]

O.O I...Want...MOORREEEEEEE. It hasn't even said much and I'm already hooked like a fish.

[V. K. Harris]

This is great, I'm hooked, I cant wait to read more. Love it.

[Amor-de-angel]

I think you made a good start. Like to see how the characters develop. Well done