At What Point?

Thoughts go through my head as I ponder how I should navigate life.

At What Point?

 

I am at a point in life where I feel so confused and unsure of not only what I am doing but where I am heading. I feel as though the foundation of my identity has crumbled. 

 

As I stumble around the aftermath of what was once my self-identity I question how to rebuild. I imagine it may be similar to the feeling a mason may feel after looking at his work in progress come crumbling down while hard at work and tools still in hand. 

 

It seems like the obvious answer to anyone is to make sure my helmet of determination is on and began again the internal construction of my psyche, my mental, my physical health, my confidence…you get it right? Basically, all those factors that contribute towards who I am, or at least who I think I am or thought I was. 

 

Even though I have an audience watching as life around me is chaotically unfolding. I still feel so alone.

 

Yes, kindly please notice the “ing.” The not so funny part about this thing we call life, or life as we know it is that it is ever changing. What this means is that it may not always be clear. Hell!  If you’re anything like me in the slightest, this thing called life makes sense only occasionally…if that. 

 

I question my sanity, I feel cold and hot. To some life is black and grey yet to me I do not know if it is either. If this is a dream, why can’t I wake up. If I am in some trance, why can’t I snap out of it. 

 

I am weak. I am human. I am crying out, but I do not know what for. I do not know what I need but I know at least what I need to do. Yet, I stand here  asking myself at what point will I stop sitting on the fence and get up and do something about it?    

Author's Note

This may not sound original at all, it may sound like I am just want someone to feel sympathy for me, and it may sound as though I am having a pity party for myself. I don't care, I need this space to vent. To vomit my thoughts and feelings out so that I can begin feeling better.