If Only I Had

Lamenting over the past

I look back at my life, only to regret,
To loathe my choices, and who I was,
But, most of all, I think of the things that went wrong,
I think of all the times I failed someone,
All the times I was failed, thinking it was my fault.

You could of prevented all this, my mind screams,
It's your neurotic, psychopathic problems that caused this, it hollers at me,
Stop it! Stop and shut up! You don't know anything! I yell back, with no avail,
You know I'm right, you know that you are an attention seeking w****! It shrieks,
I can't argue, I know it's right, at least in my own warped perception.

What if I did something different? Would that change me?
Would it stop all the self-hatred? Would it change my mindset?
Would it prevent my irrational hatred of joy in others?
Would it make my life easier, or would it be a lot harsher?
If only I had found a way to turn back time.

Author's Note

Sorry if it's rubbish. Italic is the inner monologue.

Reviews

[Hazel]

You have expressed the way your mind natters at you about your past very well. It is my opinion that if you deleted some of the extraneous words it would be a much tighter piece of writing and would better fit the poetry category.

Your poem with some suggested changes:

If Only I Had
A Poem by WeirdOne

Lamenting over the past:

I look back at my life, only to regret,
To loathe my choices, and who I was,
Most of all, I remember things gone wrong,
I think of all the times I failed someone,
The times I was failed. Was it my fault?

You could have prevented all this,
my mind screams,
It's your neurotic, psychopathic problems that caused this.

Stop it! Stop and shut up! You don't know anything!
I yell back, to no avail,
You know I'm right, you know you are an attention seeking w****!
It shrieks.
I can't argue.
I know it's right;
At least in my own warped perception.

What if I did something different?
Would that change me?
Would it stop all the self-hatred?
Would it change my mindset?
Would it prevent my irrational hatred of joy in others?
Would it make my life easier, or would it be a lot harsher?
If only I could turn back time.


My comments:
(Since I am new here I haven't quite figured out how to make italics appear on the review and some other formatting things. sorry.)

When you make your lines shorter it slows the reader down and it makes what you say more impressive. It gives more punch to what you are saying. The same thing happens with lines, when you are more concise or leave out the extra words. Poets use the word “the” very sparingly as it takes up space however, sometimes it is necessary. REMEMBER these are just suggestions, your poem and any writing you do is always your own. And, by the way, you are not weird.

[SomewhereInNeverland]

Thank you, I will consider those for a future poem, and WeirdOne is the only name I could think of, and it relates to the fact that I feel like I am growing distant to my friends, and I think that they are for that reason.

[Azure Montessa (Blue)]

We all have those "What If" moments. And your thoughts do not differ from mine, actually. :)

[SomewhereInNeverland]

Thank you. :)

[Writerdragonrider]

I really love this. I think you are amazing and talented.

[SomewhereInNeverland]

Thanks. The inspiration for them all was sudden, and I acted on it. :)

[Writerdragonrider]

you inspire me

[SomewhereInNeverland]

Thanks so much! I never thought I could inspire someone. I'm really not worthy.

[Writerdragonrider]

I think you are. your amazing.

[SomewhereInNeverland]

Thank you! :) You made my day! :')

[L4rn13]

Expressed very well as the turmoil within is exposed like a raw wound. Very nice please feel free to share more.

[SomewhereInNeverland]

Thanks! I will do. :)

[Sami Khalil]

I don't call you a weird one , I call you a talented one..Bravo...............

[SomewhereInNeverland]

Thanks, it was the only thing I could think of, plus it kinda reminds me about how shunned I feel. At school and at home.

[Sami Khalil]

OK. You are welcome...:).............

[SomewhereInNeverland]

:))))))))))))))

[Sami Khalil]

:)............................

[Simon Welsh]

I like this one. Love the torment portrayed.

[SomewhereInNeverland]

Thanks. I think it'd be better with more stanzas, but I had to leave, sadly.