Sorry~

Dear Mother,

 

One day you'll see that I wasn't just a child with no voice. If you knew everything I went through, that I never told you, you would understand. Or maybe not. We always had trouble understanding each other. But this is the only way how  I can sort of explain it to you. So this was a just a mix up of different emotions coming together that you made me feel, so it won't be that good.

 

 

Every night I would cry silently to myself,

Hoping someday you'd hear my silent screams.

 

I learned to lie at a young age,

By watching you do it.

 

I hid myself from everyone,

Especially you,

Not because I was shy,

Because every time I tried...

...You turned me down.

 

I could never come to your face and tell you,

You discouraged me.

 

I always thought I was ugly,

I just looked at other girls,

And saw that it was no competition.

 

I always wanted to tell you,

But you made me feel as though...

..At first I felt scared.

 

You pressured me.

When I tried to explain it,

You made it seem as if it was a silly game,

When to me,

It meant my life.

 

Ever since I could remember I hated myself.

Not because of what anyone said to me.

It's what I thought of myself.

 

For a long time,

I felt like you never accepted anything that I did.

 

I tried for so long,

To make you love me.

 

Even after you told me,

I knew as well as you knew

"Actions speak louder than words."

 

That quote stuck to me for so long.

It made me wonder:

"Why do I even bother to try? Am I really this bad a person to deserve this?"

 

I started becoming more and more silent everyday.

It wasn't just because I was shy.

I wanted no part in this world.

 

I started giving up on trying to earn your love.

 

I stopped trying to please you.

 

You made me feel worthless, and useless.

 

I learned at a young age,

No one's going to stay.

Everyone is going to abandon me at some point.

 

I didn't want to have friends,

Just to have be crushed when they leave me all alone.

 

I talked less and less.

 

My best friend left me all alone,

Just because I was useless.

 

 

I dated some guys.

They made me a thousand times worse.

 

Everyone used me to their advantage.

 

Because of this, I can't trust anyone, not even myself.

 

I cut myself sometimes, without you knowing.

 

I cry myself to sleep every night.

 

And all I ever wanted was for you at least,

To accept me.

 

I love you, but you're one of the people who made me become suicidal.

 

Mother,

I'll never feel accepted by anyone no matter what.

 

 

Love,

Your daughter 

Author's Note

It's what I always wanted to tell her.

Reviews

[Darksummerswind]

This is a deeply emotional piece and it says a lot. You're not alone, nor do you have to be. You should know that.

[ThoughtsOfANemoFish]

This is so sad.. I have tears in my eyes. I just want to cuddle whoever is saying this.. It's so emotional, I love it