AskAway

A short story I came up with because I was feeling silly. And partly to see how many ways you can say someone is screwed.

Jonas and Ed were about to sit down to eat lunch, when they noticed their other friend, frantically studying for an upcoming test.

"Oh, there you are," he said as they approached, "come on, you  gotta help me with this!"

"Ah Hare," replied a cheerful Ed, "putting in some last minute studying, I see."

"Yep."

"So, what's the class?"

"Uhh... Trig."

"Holy crap," said an astonished Ed, "well, you should be okay. After all, you studied last night too, right?"

There was a long silence from Hare, before he managed an non-reassuring, "Well..."

"Oh, Hare..."

"Oh, don't you dare give me any bullcrap, Jonas. You never study until the night before."

"Yes, the night before, but never the day of," he retorted, "... except for that one time."

"And didn't you tell me that you were going to work harder to get better grades this semester," asked Ed.

"I did, but that was before I found out that they renewed Behind the Lies for a second season," he explained.

"Really, that's awesome! But that's beside the point."

"Yeah, but... I mean, I can still pull this off, right guys," asked Hare, looking for any sign of hope.

"Hold on, I'll find out."

"Jonas, what are you doing," said a curious Ed.

"Well, it's this new app called AskAway," his friend replied as he pull out his phone,"how it works is that you put in any question you want answered, and then a bunch of people with the app can also answer it."

"Jonas," said Hare," that is the stupidest thing I've ever heard."

"Yeah, you're not really in a situation where you can call out stupidity, Hare," replied Ed.

"...yeah, I guess not."

There was a period of silence, before...

"Well, was the new episode any good?"

"You didn't see it, Ed?"

"No Hare, I was studying."

"Oh, oh I see. That's great! Poor salt on my open gash!"

"I didn't mean to offend you! I was just answering you're question."

"Okay, guys, hold on," interrupted Jonas, "I got some replies."

"Well, this should be good," replied a sarcastic Hare.

"Okay, the answers for 'My friend hasn't studied for his trigonometry test. Can he still pass' are..."

No.

Nuh-uh.

Not likely.

Probably not.

It won't happen.

No way, Jose.

Dios sea con ustedes, mi amigo.

Die Chancen sind nicht mit ihm.

Yeah,  he's screwed.

Super screwed.

Super duper screwed.

Completely screwed.

Completely and utterly screwed.

Very screwed.

Boned like a dinosaur. "What?" "I don't know, Ed..."

Slaughter screwed.

Cluster screwed.

Champion screwed.

Ultimate screwed.

Mega screwed.

Screwed like you wouldn't believe.

You cannot fathom the screwed.

Screwed beyond a level of human comprehension.

Screwed like a Philip's head.

If Godzilla, Gamera, Mothra, and Zeruel were to free-for-all in you're city, you STILL wouldn't be this screwed. 

"Huh?" "I'll explain later, Ed."

On a scale of one to ten, no number is high enough.

Hey, at least it's not quantum physics.

It's Trig. Studying wouldn't have helped you anyway.

"And finally..." It's over 9000!!!

After another period of silence, Jonas spoke up and said, "yeah, I don't think chances are that hot, Hare."

Raising his head with a surge of optimism, Hare looked at his friends and said, "Well, I'll show you. And you're friends too, Jonas!"

"But, I don't know these people..."

"I will march in that class, and I will sit down in my desk, and I will take that test, and God as my witness boys... I SHALL PASS!"

"Yeah, I got a 37..."

"Oh man," said his friends, "we're sorry, buddy."

"Although, it IS kind of your own fault."

"Oh, my dear Edgar, I wasn't finished yet," Hare continued, "I was going to say I would have gotten a 37 were it not for the curve he gave us."

"Oh cool," replied a happy Jonas, "what was your grade, then?"

"A 73."

"Wait wait, hold on here," replied an amazed Ed, "You're telling us the highest grade in that class was a 64?"

"Yep."

"How does that freaking happen," asked an equally astonished Jonas.

"Well, like that one guy said," retorted Hare, with a smug grin on his face, "it's Trig. Studying wouldn't have helped me anyway."

Author's Note

Did you think it was funny? Was the dialogue any good? And also, do these guys seem like genuine friends to you?

Please leave a comment or review explaining your thoughts. I'm eager to hear them and improve.