Lost Breath

I was kneeling down beside you

At that moment you looked so pale

Slowly but still steadily

God was taking your life away

Tears were running down my cheeks

I wish I'd never had to see you that way

You took my hand and held it in yours

You held it really hard and said

" Sorry babes but i'll have to leave you

Maybe that is what destiny wants

But dare you do anything to yourself

Promise me that you won't "

Through the snobs i managed out

I shook my head and i said i won't

But maybe God was too keen to take you

Your breath was now somewhere lost

I looked at you my eyes wide

No this couldn't be true

But after all the truth is bitter

You wanted me to live without you !!!

Author's Note

I was reading a book and someone very close to the narrator died in it.......and i got this idea!!!!!So......hwz it ??????

Reviews

[Raymond Mesa]

I was an amazing poem, and I loved every bit of it.

[Rahul]

your last stanza's awesome and i love this a lot. so, "flirtyaish", you've done here very nicesjob. Thasnk for telling in your author's note that the idea came from a book that you were reading and i hope that book was of many pages or else you drop here your heart...lol :))
well penned once again, so, this's beautiful and lovable in a my view. and thank god you got idea to write such a piece ffrom a book or else if you don;t tell may be i take it that it came from your real life and you''re in love....lol :)

great work "flirtyaish" once again.

[Acer]

Nicely expressed

[Aehr]

Like I told you in school, this one is great. Keep writing! :)

[AK]

Wow! This poem is really nice:)
I love the way you gave the poem a dark, mysterious air. Keep writing!

[Flutterby aish]

thnx!!!!!

[Lina Grey]

Very well written, but so very sad! honestly, if I hadn't read your author's note, I would have thought it was personal. The thoughts are so clear, so open. I like how at theend the author immediately reels into denial and blaming the dead person for leaving, as pretty much everyone does when grieving. Great write.

[Flutterby aish]

thnx!!!!!!

[Coyote Poetry]

A very sad poem. To watch someone died is hard. I like the thoughts in the poem. Good description of emotions in the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[Flutterby aish]

thnx!!!!!