Actor

Do you know how much damage you've done,

To both my mind, and soul?

You made me into someone else.

Someone who fakes content smiles, and pretends that they are happy.

But happy, is the one word I don't dare to use to describe myself.

The truth is,

I don't want to talk to people,

All I want to do is curl in a ball and cry myself to sleep.

And burry myself in endless nightmares.

I am dark, I don't like to smile.

I could care less about other people,

As long as they don't affect me living my daily life.

I don't have the energy to.

But for you, I have to plastic my sweet and innocent smile.

For you, I have to be nice to everyone and socialize like my life depended on it even though it is the scariest thing to me.

For you, I have to complete chores.  But have you ever recognized my effort?

I try to be the girl you want me to be.

I try so hard.

But it's just not me.

You think I'm lazy for sleeping until one o'clock in the afternoon, but do you know how late i stayed up for?  Studying, just to get a good mark on my exam so you won't be disappointed in me?

You think I'm hiding from reality every time i lay down after you yell at me.  But the truth is, panic attacks make me sweaty and dizzy.  I need to lay down so I don't faint.

You think I don't try hard at school when I get 80s.  But I did try.  I'm just not smart enough.

You think I'm mean to people just because I don't talk to them.  But the thing is, I am scared of socializing.

You think I'm unconfident.  But do you remember all the times when you put me down and told me that I wasn't worth anything and didn't deserve to live?

Good for you,

Now I'm broken.

Are you finally happy?

Mom please just leave me alone.