THE CLEARING

A story involving a anxious client and her therapist who shows her a new way of looking at her world. I hope that this story brings some hope and a new view to those who have been victims of abuse.

October 8, 2021

© Diane Gaffney

 

THE CLEARING

An anxious, tense energy filled the room.  Her breathing was rapid and shallow as she fidgeted in the blue floral winged back chair.  Eyes darting around the room looking for danger, she inhaled sharply and let out a long shaky breath and once again began her rapid and shallow breathing.

            “I need the window open a bit.”  She said, voice quivering.

            A tall female figure flowed toward the window and opened it letting in the fresh air from the garden.  She stood for a moment near the open window then turned to her client sitting in the winged back chair.

            “I know this has been an extremely stressful time for you, Anne.”  Said the figure near the window.  “If you are willing to do an exercise with me, perhaps we can bring that anxiety down a level or two.

 

            Anne sighed and looked at her therapist with misty eyes.

                        “If it is about breathing and focusing on my breath, Lynn, I’ve already tried that…it only causes more anxiety and I find I can’t focus for longer than a few seconds.  Then I have to get up and do something.”  Anne took another sharp, deep breath, blowing it out with force, incorporating a frustrated sigh.  She sat and wrung her cold, clammy, hands together and glanced at the clock.  “Ten minutes,” she thought, “I’ve only been here ten minutes!”

            “It does include some breathing and some imagination.  Something you are so good at.  Up for it?”  Lynn’s clear, hazel eyes            looked into Anne’s apprehensive brown ones.  She scanned Anne’s painfully tense body, seeing the jittery legs, the clammy hands, and sweat beading on her worried, panic-stricken face.

                        “If it doesn’t work, I’m no worse off than I am now.” Anne replied in a horse whisper.

            “Try to relax a bit.  Put your feet on the floor and just think about what this panic, anxious feeling looks like.  What color is it?  Does it have a shape?  A sound, a voice?  If you could imagine it as a place where would you be?”  Lynn’s voice was melodic and soft, yet penetrating enough to reach through Anne’s panic.

                        “It presents like a foggy wood.  The trees are menacing and very scary shapes.  It seems like they will reach out and grab me.”  Anne opened her eyes and once again scanned the room for danger.

            Lynn flashed a knowing grin.  “Victims of abuse and violence see the world differently than those who grew up in secure, loving, safe homes.  Victims see their world through eyes of fear and danger.  Those who grew up safe, see their world full of opportunity and adventure.”  Lynn watched as Anne bit her lower lip and nodded several small nods. 

            “I guess I see danger all over the place.” Anne said softly, looking up to meet Lynn’s eyes then quickly turned away.

            “Let’s look at the same scene only imagine that the sun is slowly burning away the fog on the path.  What do you see?”  Lynn’s melodic voice started again. 

            Anne closed her eyes and began to speak.

                        “There are brambles and rocks on the path, branches and roots and dense undergrowth…Oh, I can’t walk here!!  How is this helping??”  Anne’s eyes popped open and she glanced over at Lynn.

            “It’s ok,” Lynn said, “just play along for a bit more.  You’ll see.”

            Anne reluctantly closed her eyes again. 

            “Take a slow breath in and out.  The fog is continuing to lift, the sun is shining through the fog.  Scan the path for something safe.”  Lynn spoke slowly and confidently as Anne re-adjusted herself in the chair and took a breath.

                        “There’s a rope railing lining the sides of the path, but I have a death grip on the rope…” Anne’s voice rose a notch.

            “Hang in there with me, Anne.  Stop walking and look around.  Use your imagination, your artist eye.  Scan your surroundings.  There are bushes and we already know there are trees, what else do you see.”

                        Anne paused, took a deep breath and began to visibly relax her neck and shoulders. She chuckled, opened her eyes and said “I have to admit, I was afraid of the bush�"that there may be someone hiding behind it, but I saw birds on the bush and I know that if there was someone hiding, there wouldn’t be birds on the bush.”

            “I also imagined the fog lifting and the sun shining through the trees and they really are not menacing at all!  I have the rope rails to hold onto as I navigate the obstacles on the path, yet, contrary to how I was viewing the path before, I don’t need to grab the ropes in a death-grip.”  Anne slowly began to breathe rhythmically.  Lynn noticed the tenseness in Anne’s face lessen. 

            “If you scan again, what does it look like, feel like, what color is your anxiety now?”  Lynn moved a bit forward in her chair and leaned closer toward Anne.

                        “I see a beautiful walk in the woods ahead of me.  The trees are decked out in their best fall colors.  It feels safer with the sun shining and the fog lifted.  I think I have a new plan in place now.  I am thinking I can use this imagery when those anxious and panicky feelings start.  Like you have said to me before, ‘They are just reactionary feelings’, and once I scan my surroundings, and picture the fog lifting and seeing that there is no one ‘hiding in the bushes’, I can see my way down the path.  I know that there may be times when there is real danger, and I have to trust I will be able to tell the difference.”  Anne’s eyes met Lynn’s.

                        “You have done some great work here today, Anne. Look at this as the beginning of viewing your world with eyes different than the way you have always seen it.” 

            Anne smiled.

            Lynn smiled back and said “Let’s finalize your next scheduled appointment.  We will continue our work then.”

 

 

 

 

                       

 

 

                       

             

Reviews

[Diane Gaffney]

JayG--Wow! and thank you so much for your critique--It is something I really appreciated reading. I was hoping for some honest feedback as I begin to try my hand at fiction/pros. I usually write poetry. I can see your points and they have given me such a good vision of how to re-work this piece and make it more believable (?) It's been a long time since I have been in a classroom, it's been a long time since writing fiction or even an essay...yet, you have dusted the cobwebs off of some basics that I know I learned somewhere, sometime and have placed in a file in my mind...I will definitely look into Dwight Swain's book and see if I can obtain a copy...or download. Thank you for the resource. I am not offended by your review, just the opposite--Thank you again for your comments. I am pretty excited to rework this piece.
Look for the rewrite in the near future. Diane `

[JayG]

Well…since you’re turning serious about writing, and since what I have to say is unrelated to talent and how well you write, there are some things caused by your being too close to the work that you need to know about. They are fixable, but this may sting a bit, given all the work and emotional involvement you've made in the story. So take a deep breath (or maybe a glass of wine, or two).

One problem you face is that we begin reading our own work fully aware of the situation, the personalities and backstory, plus, our objective for the scene. And because of that, ll leave out what seems obvious. Then, as we read and edit, that missing data is filled in without our noticing that it’s missing—something no reader can do. It’s why we need to edit from the seat of the reader, not the author.

A second problem is that the kind of writing we were taught in school, and use through our life, is primarily nonfiction, in approach, with a goasl of informing the reader, clearly and concisely. Its focus is on facts and events, it’s methodology, fact-based and author-centric. So, like any report, a voice we cannot hear, coming from someone we can’t see, reports and informs. As we read our own work, the voice of the narrator is our voice, all filled with the proper emotion. But the reader doesn't see even the punctuation till AFTER they read the line. So the reader will get less emotion that you'll hear if you have the computer's Narrator program speak it to you (an excellent editing technique that picks up a lot of problems).

Look at your opening lines as a reader:

• An anxious, tense energy filled the room.

"The room?" What can this mean to a reader who doesn’t know where and when we are, or what’s going on? This could be a courtroom, today, awaiting the verdict. It could be a castle in medieval Spain. Your mind holds the image of that room as you read the line. But the reader? Not a clue.

We need context as-we-read, because there is no second, first-impression. And while the reader will understand the situation later, that can only happen if they continue to read. Would you, if the words made no sense? And agent or acquiring editor won't.

• Her breathing was rapid and shallow as she fidgeted in the blue floral winged back chair.

“Her breathing?” She’s not important enough to have a name? This, in and of itself, says we're not on the scene, living it, we're with you, hearing about it second-hand. And isn’t rapid and shallow breathing called panting? So…this is a dog? 😆

See how your preconceptions give you perfect clarity, but works against the reader? You write well. Better than most on this site. But you’re focused on TELLING the reader a story, and thinking visually, while the reader expects you to place them into her viewpoint, and in real-time. As E. L. Doctorow put it: “Good writing is supposed to evoke sensation in the reader. Not the fact that it’s raining, but the feeling of being rained upon.”

In short, the writing skills we worked so hard to master, by writing essays and reports in school—and through life—made us masters of writing essays and reports.

Fiction, though, is a profession, one they offer degree programs in. Its methodology is emotion-based and character-centric. So, from HER viewpoint, what matters a lot more than the way she's breathing is her perception of the situation. Is she looking at the chair you mention? No, she's facing away from it. Does she care if it’s a wingback? Hell no. She’s focused on the woman who's with her, and what she needs to do and say to control the situation—or at least get through it. But the doesn’t learn that the woman is a therapist of some unknown kind till the fourth paragraph. That's 139 words into the story, which puts us on page 2 of a standard manuscript submission. She knows who she's with in paragraph 1. And if she’s to be our avatar, how can we understand her actions, such as breathing hard if we don’t know her state of mind, and what she feels matters?

Think of a romance. Do you want to learn that the protagonist has fallen in love, or do you want the writing to make YOU fall in love with that person? In horror: learn that the protagonist is terrified, or have the writing terrorize you, and make you hesitant about turning out the light? See my point?

Nonfiction makes people know. Fiction makes them feel, and care. And while it might be nice if reading fiction showed us what matters, and the tricks, do we learn brush technique by viewing paintings? We learn to appreciate the result of using those professional techniques, but not the techniques. And if they’re not used we will turn away—as will our reader if we don’t acquire and master the tricks the pros take for granted. And THAT’S my point, and your necessity. Surprise! 😂 It might be nice of our teachers at least told us that we can't use the skills of writing they give us for fiction. But they learned to write in the same classrooms. Who's to tell them?

You’re doing as well as someone can, when handicapped as we all are, until we learn there’s a set of writing skills that no one ever mentioned as existing, a skill set we must master to write fiction.

And THAT, news I’m pretty certain you weren’t hoping to hear when you posted this story. Who would? There is good news, though. Learning those skills is a lot like going backstage at the theater for the first time, and filled with, “But wait…that’s so obvious. How could I not have seen it for myself? (though after the tenth time you’re driven to say it, the enthusiasm in your voice tends to wane. And after the twentieth....)

Still, when you switch over from explaining the events in overview to living them as the protagonist as you write, the act of writing becomes a LOT more fun. Then, when you order your protagonist to do something the plot demands, they’re apt to place hands on hips and say, “You want me to do…what? Are you crazy? With the personality you’ve given me, the resources and skills I have available, and the situation, I’d never do that. So either change the situation, or me, cause I’m not going to do it.” And till they do that, your character’s not real to either you or the reader. And until then, the act of writing is work. Then it becomes FUN. Then, your characters begin using all their senses. Then they hesitate, react, and interrupt. They twist at the fabric of their dress, or shred a napkin when they’re tense. They interrupt, rephrase, and wave their hands in frustration. It also forces you to look at things from everyone’s viewpoint—making each character the star of their own life, instead of a shadow puppet, barking on command. That way the characters other then the protagonist live. And incidentally, that helps in your own life (except when you find yourself mentally editing what others say).

My own view is that the best way to get started is to devour a few books on the subject. For that, the library’s fiction-writing section is ideal. You work when you have time, at your own pace. There’s no pressure or competition, and, no tests. What’s not to love?

Personally? I’d suggest Dwight Swain’s, Techniques of the Selling Writer, which recently came out of copyright protection. It's the best I've found to date at imparting and clarifying the "nuts-and-bolts" issues of creating a scene that will sing to the reader. The address of an archive site where you can read or download it free is just below. Copy/paste the address into the URL window of any Internet page and hit Return to get there.

https://archive.org/details/TechniquesOfTheSellingWriterCUsersvenkatmGoogleDrive4FilmMakingBsc_ChennaiFilmSchoolPractice_Others

And for what it might be worth, the articles in my WordPress writing blog are for the most part, based on the kind of things you’ll find in books like that one, and meant as an overview of the major differences between fiction’s approach and that of nonfiction.

So…I know this was both unexpected, and a lot like trying to take a sip from a fire hose. But it’s not really bad news. You can’t fix the problem you don’t see as being one. And I’d written six, many times queried but always rejected, novels before I learned of the problem. So you’re well ahead of me. And, that book I suggested is the one that got me my first “yes” from a publisher. Maybe it can do that for you. It’s an older book, and talks about the necessity of a good typewriter ribbon, and the paragraphs on research can be replaced by, “Use Google…a lot," but still, Mr. Swain was brilliant, and the list of students in his commercial fiction seminars read like a who’s who of American fiction at the time he was teaching.

So give it a try. I think you’ll find the learning fun. And while you do, hang in there, and keep on writing. It never gets easier, but after a while you do become confused on a higher level.

Jay Greenstein
https://jaygreenstein.wordpress.com/category/the-craft-of-writing/the-grumpy-old-writing-coach/