Epiphany

I called my boss this morning to tell him that I was coming to work late when something important began to unravel before me...

A needy bed was just what I needed at this time of night. The curtains were silent in the night air, the moonlight was just barely in sight, the silence of the midnight breeze became steady, and the dark corners of the room filled me almost to the brim with the thoughts that fled inside my mind.

I had forgotten my jacket at work today. I had forgotten to put my keys in my pocket as usual. I had even forgotten to pick up coffee before work. Why was I such a mess? Why couldn't I just remember everything? I rubbed my eyes with the outside of my knuckles. It's almost 3:00 AM. Damn it. I haven't gotten a wink of rest all night. I still can't seem to wring out why.

Was it the sleeping pills? Did they not work on me?
No. That's not it. Something's been bothering me for quite a while now. Something important.
I just need remember.
After another half hour or so, I found myself drifting off. I slept well for about another three hours before my eyes fluttered open to the sound of my screaming alarm clock. That sound. Why was it so familiar?
I shook it off quickly. Of course it's familiar. It's my alarm clock! Why wouldn't it be? I slipped out of bed, still in my tank top and underwear, and shuffled heavily towards my alarm to shut it off. I pressed snooze and felt a yawn breaking through. I shuffled slowly into the hallway and then into the kitchen, where something struck me in the face.
The kitchen was empty and I was alone. I stood there for a moment, staring into the blank space that was my apartment. Shaking it off, I tried to focus on breakfast.
Of course the kitchen is empty! You live alone remember? My feet were kind of just moving on their own from then on. I was slowly slipping into my daily morning routine and as we all know, autopilot is hard to disengage once you've driven yourself right into it.
I grabbed some milk from the fridge, reached for the bowl in the cupboard with it's accompanying spoon, and slowly poured cereal into the bowl. I poured the milk and put it back in the fridge before sitting in front of my computer screen and scrolling around.
I got an email from my coworker about my lost jacket. I read it aloud to myself due to being too tired to keep it in my head.
"Hey Steven!
I was walking around work last night and noticed that you had left your jacket on your work desk. I put it in the box under your desk so no one would take it by accident. You can thank me later. We should talk during our break! I have something really important that I wanna tell you. It concerns a good friend!
See you at work!
Your friend,
Anna Churchard."
I sighed, reaching for my phone and dialing my boss's number.
"Hello! This is David Newman" he replied as if he was an answering machine.
"Hey Dave. It's Steven" but before I could get on with it, he interrupted.
"What the hell Steve?! Why are you calling me?! You haven't been to work in almost a week! Are you okay? Did something happen? We were all worried to death about you! We thought you were sick or somethin'!" A wave of confusion washed over me and began drowning me in the sand.
What did he mean I haven't been to work in almost a week? I went to work yesterday! I scrolled to check the email Anna sent to me again. My hand became unbearably stiff and it was hard for me to conceive whatever was going on.
It was sent on Monday. Today was Friday. How could it have been sent on Monday if I forgot my jacket yesterday?! I fumbled with speaking.
"Hello? Steven? Steven you there?" he said in a state of anger and panic. I shook as I held the phone to my ear.
"B-but I remember going to work yesterday! Are you sure that it's really been almost a week?" I asked. I have to make sure that maybe there wasn't just some kind of misunderstanding. His voice was silent for a moment.
"What do you mean yesterday? You never showed up yesterday. You didn't call. You didn't email me. You didn't talk to anyone! Where were you? Are you sick?" he sounded desperate for answers. My legs were falling weak. The blood rushing through my veins began running cold and I could barely hold my breath.
"N-no. It's okay. I'm fine. I just....I'm gonna be a little late to work today. I'll explain everything once I get there." Before he could speak another syllable, I hung up the phone and stared blankly at the email.
How could I have missed almost five days of work? How could I have forgotten them completely? Was this some kind of prank? How long was I asleep for? I left my laptop open as I rushed into my bedroom. Something was drawing me there. I remembered one small thing from this week that could tell me what happened.
I remembered rummaging under my bed and finding my old suitcase before opening it and piling.....things into it. I wasn't sure what those things were just yet. I almost tripped over my lamp as I ran into my bedroom door and rushed into the room. I knelt down beside my bed, my hands unsteady, as I ducked down and began rummaging.
Something.
Something.
ANYTHING!
There had to be something here!
I continued rummaging through until I finally found the suitcase from my memory. It was a dark brown and it had an even uglier handle. The tag matched my credentials and it was just big enough to pack enough clothes for a week trip to Alaska. I noticed the small padlock I had hooked onto it.
The pass code. What was it again? I tried a variety of different combinations that I could remember but none of them worked. I gave up. It was no use trying anymore. I was gonna be late for work and I had to get dressed. Whatever happened, it was probably just sickness, or maybe I just fell asleep for too long, but whatever the case, I had to find an excuse now for being late.

I left the suitcase on my bed and began getting myself dressed.
Suit?
Check.
Tie?
Check.
Pants?
Double check.
Socks?
Check.
And last but not least, I combed my hair back and brushed my teeth whilst staring blankly into the bathroom mirror. This feeling of being bothered felt very intense. I just had to ignore it until work was over. I put on my shoes before grabbing my bag and heading out the door. The breeze was growing colder and colder by the day.
Winter would be coming soon.
I went about my normal day. Walking into work with a tired excuse, sitting at my desk, grabbing my jacket from the box, thanking Anna during my coffee break, answering emails, and having to work another shift to make up for the shifts that I had missed. By the time I came back, it was around six in the evening.
The sun was setting in the sky and I was sure that by the time I finished dinner and my favorite TV show, it would be dark out. I walked into my empty apartment, once again startled by how empty it was.
You live alone.
There was never anyone other than you.
I heard the faucet dripping and sighed. Turning the handle so the water stopped, I turned around to my empty kitchen again. For a moment, I thought someone was there. I shook my head.
Why did this feeling keep reoccurring? I began preparing a weak dinner. Microwave chicken and eggs. Suits me. I sat down in front of the TV and switched it on. I began watching my favorite TV show when halfway through the next episode, I suddenly remembered something. Something important.
As my favorite character was lowering a needle towards the other characters face, I remembered placing a needle inside that suitcase only a few days ago. I immediately sprang up, leaving the TV on. I rushed into the bedroom, almost tripping over my lamp again, and fumbled over the suitcase.
The pass code was my friends year of birth. Why did I suddenly remember having a friend now? 1994....that's when Anna was born. Why her? The suitcase opened and to my surprise, all it held was a folded piece of paper. No needle. So where did it go? I picked up the paper, unfolding it gently in my hands before reading it aloud to myself.
"In the back of the closet, under the pile of laundry. You might wanna cover your hands and mouth. It's a bit messy back there" the note read. Did I write this? It was my handwriting and the ink belonged to the pen in my drawer. Why would I write something like this?
I closed the suitcase and placed it back under the bed.
In the back of the closet? What could be back there? I ignored the warning and relentlessly opened the closet door. I stumbled to step into the far back corners of the closet. It was dark and my flashlight was dim. I guess I shouldn't have grabbed it from my shelf before opening the door, because my only good flashlight was in the kitchen drawer, but I just had to see what this thing was.
The pile of laundry was evident. I didn't even know that I owned so many clothes. Where did all of these come from? I knelt down hesitantly and leaned forward until my nose was practically touching the laundry. I removed the laundry slowly, watching as something emerged from the large pile of rubbish. Something plastic but stained with streaks of brown and red.
That was when the smell of blood crawled around the room like an infestation. I leaned back, covering my mouth and nose with my shirt and cringed at the horrible smell.
Was this....what I thought it was.
Was this.....a dead body?! Why would it be here!
I had to be sure. Who knows? Maybe this was just some sick prank that my coworkers set up, but why would they do that? Halloween is over, so is thanksgiving, and it's almost the end of the November. Why now?
I slowly removed one hand from my face and gently peeled back on of the six stained plastic bags before me. There, inside the bag, as I leaned closer, was the decapitated human head, staring right at me. His irises were a pale grey, his skin filled with all kinds of flies and pale grey shades, his mouth open and his hair pressed up against his forehead.
The moment I caught sight of him, I puked in the trashcan near the door. Those eyes! It felt as if they were following me and I knew what must've been in those other bags. I had recognized the face. It was familiar. Have I seen him before?
Of course. As I was hunched over the trashcan, something arose from within me.
I had been wrong this entire time.
I had forgotten everything.
This bothering feeling was real.
When I thought that there was someone else in the kitchen with me today, it wasn't because I was lonely....
I leaned back against the pale white wall of my bedroom. I processed everything going through my head. I was suddenly remembering everything.
Everything.
I followed him home from work.
Stop.
I asked him what was for dinner.
No.
We watched our favorite TV show together while eating microwave chicken and eggs.
Shut up!
I stole the drugs from my doctor.
Just shut up already!
I stabbed him with the needle six times until I couldn't feel his pulse.
No! This isn't happening to me!
I didn't mean for him to die. I just wanted him to keep quiet.
Please....
I took the chainsaw out of the garage and separated him into pieces so I could fit him in the bags.
I hid his lifeless, dismembered body under the piles of laundry and closed the closet door.
I wrote the note.
No! No! No! No!
I hid the suitcase under the bed so I would never find it at least for a long time.
I injected myself with a drug that causes loss of memory depending on how big the dose.
I killed him!
This can't be!
I sat against the wall....screaming. I was never alone was I?
He was my best friend. My only friend. That's what Anna was talking about earlier.
"Do you know where Brady is? He hasn't showed up to work since two days ago" I remembered her asking. I told her that I didn't know when really, deep inside, I was the one who caused this.
Why me? Why?
This apartment wasn't supposed to be empty.
Am....
Am I a psychopath?

Author's Note

Morbid and definitely not for the faint of heart, but still good (:

Reviews

[p]

That was a great representation of insanity, shock and trauma.
I loved how disorganized the character's perspective was and how everything tied together at the end.

Solid, and fantastic.

[alanwgraham]

Well done! You have sustained the feeling of mystery until well on in your story which is essential. There are a few point in the writing that don't ring true such as 'preparing a weak dinner' ? and 'It was a dark brown and it had an even uglier handle' but I'm not sure if English is not your first language.
You have a good story here!
Regards,
Alan

[Dominik D. Rites]

English was never my first language but I don't see anything wrong with those sentences? "Weak dinner" as in a dinner that isn't healthy or appetizing and that is only eaten so then you know that you had a dinner and "It was a dark brown with an even uglier handle" states that the handle is uglier than the rest of the suitcase. Thanks though.