My Forever

I breath in. I want to hold that breath there forever. Maybe i could die that way.

I'm not stupid though. i want to have the will power to end myself, not just let myself die, but be responsible for each part. if i cut my arms i bleed out, i don't force the blood out myself. if i pull the trigger, i don't feel anything. i want the hurt in my chest, i want to know i have the self control to do it, to stop breathing. i over think things like this. i over think my life. i am waiting forever. i am waiting for my own never. my bucket list never filled out, never completed. i am waiting for the pain to go away, i am waiting for my own never.

never kissed, never been kissed

never dated

never been wanted

and never been first choice

i was alone, and i still am

kill me now before i do.