2-11 and Epilogue

A link

http://www.freewebs.com/alosingbattle

 

Yup.  I already posted it there, and the copy-paste-repeat thing was getting annoying.

Reviews

[Jenthura]

She tucked her board underneath her arm and stepped into the lift, an old-fashioned elevator that looked mostly broken. It gave a broken sort of cough as it took her weight and started moving upward excruciatingly slowly.
Broken is repetitive. Other than that, perfectly fine. Actually, much more than that, you really conveyed the idea of...Ajulak...was the name of that place? How does Angel's dad get money and food, in fact , how does the whole town get food? You didn't mention any farms on hover pads.

[Jenthura]

Jonah goes from whimpering about his sister to perfectly happy in a matter of seconds, why? There're also many errors with spelling and grammar, but for the most part the story slides nicely with the action factor. There's a lot of foreshadowing that comes to nothing, and there doesn't seem to be an exactly well-formed climax line. I would not have chosen Ella to detonate the bomb; Angel would have been a better choice. If the medicine had worked and Angel had lived, she would be blaming herself for the people she infected, therefore starting the problem. This guilt would have driven her to do the job, since she felt like she should fix the problem. I believe Ella had no real reason to take the bomb from Tallia. Sari should not have come into the story, she comes and goes and does not play an important part; useless characters like that should go. Just as a side-note, I'm a pessimist and a really ruthless critic, so all I can say about many writing is how bad they are, hope I helped�or not. Just don't take all of what I say too seriously cuz I feel like I wrote a scathing review�I'm more used to commenting on younger writers' works on WW.
So, please, don't feel like I'm blaming you or insulting your writing, I could never have written something as good as that, nor could I have stuck with writing chapter after chapter. Keep writing! (but remember to edit profusely)