How to Get Elected

I wrote this some years ago, but it was never more appropriate than it is today. I performed this in various venues in Texas; it should be read/performed with a "beat," kinda jazzy.

It takes big bucks

cause the luck's with the clucks
with the cash,
the stash of tucks in the pocket.
That's the socket " the clock to set the
rocket of success,
luck's best
with big bucks sucked in trucked in
shucked an' jived
by ducks in dives,
in smoke filled back rooms, company cars,
bars and stars
wave to wars
of campaign cash.

Politico's noses
shows they knows
it grows on bottom lines,
in gas pump lines,
and prices rise with doves' demise.

The war's the star
and the star's on the cap
of the man with the cup
and the cup has the cash
and the cash makes the man
and the man is the company's --
and the company is measured
by all the men it keeps.

If ya gotta go politico ya oughta know the rules
It's the clues of the ruse
that the ruler rules the fools
schools the tool that cues the jewels.
That's the cruelest rule of ruses,
raises rows of purses roses,
fills the pool of fuel he uses;
but the one who sings the blues's
he that blew the rule of ruses,
drew the cruise of gruesome bruises,
cries accrued until he boozes.
'cause the wisest rulers realize
the rules rule the rulers.
And the wiley ruler rarely rules
relying on his muses,
skews the views of qued abuses,
hews the noose of grue he fuses,
screws the few his crew accuses,
whose neuroses fire the fuses,
stews the boos, the don'ts and do's,
and the ruler who peruses
which issue best confuses
when he waltzes wows and woos us
rules the gooses whey they chooses
or the news is:

He loses.

 

Author's Note

I used an accompanying soundtrack with one vocal track by me to which I harmonized with a combination of spoken and sung words. If you choose to perform it yourself (which I wholly support), do it as you feel it -- and please let me know! And if anyone knows how to get this to John Stewart, please do! I'd love to see him do it on his show!

Reviews

[bookworm]

What I find interesting about this piece is how you can almost feel a tempo/cadence? that escalates and drops (I am not a musician...not sure what the correct terminology for that sensation would be...)But there are definitive places throughout where this happens and the sensation became almost palpable in the last 6 lines...interesting that i read in your notes at the end that you had performed this to music...I can completely see that...

Its surprising to me, bc I don't ordinarily enjoy this style of in-your-face mayhem of frenetic political jargon, but this really works here. I mean, I'm sure it always "works" for folks who love it, but the fact that I found it palatable is atypical for me...Nicely done...John Stewart would tear this s**t up too, fo sho! (That's a compliment, btw...)