Prologue

The forest was dense with little undergrowth.  Through the canopy of lush green leaves the sun glinted happily, unaware of the plight happening on the ground it could scarcely touch.  The world was so at peace with itself, it forgot about others so selfishly.  It was dim after the trees swallowed you.  A few birds sang gently, a usually comforting noise, but as it echoed through the trees it stood as a reminder of how alone she really was.  Her loneliness was so vast that she could very well die.  Then it wouldn’t matter why she was here and it would be another mystery mankind would never solve.  Their curiosity would egg them on for a time but eventually they would get fed up and admit failure.  None of that would matter if she didn’t get to the top of this mountain.  It was late afternoon, she needed to be quick or else she’d be in a graver state of danger than she already was, this was almost impossible to imagine as she stumbled over a mossy, decaying log.  She flinched as it crunched piercingly.  She rushed forward, the mountain was getting steeper.  Damnit!  I’m not going to make it.  It was never ending.  The cool moist dirt squished between her soiled toes sliding under her toenails.  She chomped down on the inside of her cheek.  Pain rushed through her veins initiating more adrenaline.  Her heart bounced loudly in her chest.  []

That alone, she figured, could be heard by the monsters almost a mile away.  Not to mention her heavy, dutiful breathing and her noisy clambering, crunching leaves and snapping twigs.  The coppery taste of blood swirled over her tongue mingling innocently with her thick saliva.  Blood, she thought bitterly, the whole reason I’m in this mess.  She persisted in her quick, tired pace up the hillside.  She stumbled over her feet and gasped for air.  She dug her chipped fingernails into the soft, gnarled bark of a nearby tree to steady her worn-out body.

            She looked savage.  Her eyes were wild and her long hair was tangled and matted with sticky sweat.  Dirt splotched her face that was a deep red color from exertion.  Her tattered shirt hung pointlessly, torn long ago.  A chilly breeze slithered through the trees.  She quivered; even a slight breeze could easily give her scent away to the monsters.  There was a clearing ahead, she smiled.  He said there was a clearing not long before the top.  She broke through the thicket, sucking in her breath as the branches gouged at her delicate skin.  The sunlight burned her eyes and warmed her skin.  Her mind fought her legs to keep moving.  There was the sound of thrashing in the distance.  She paused in dumbstruck horror.  S**t!   Her legs creaked forward precariously.  She felt powerless to what would happen next as she struggled with her upwards trek.  You must, she heard the whisper so evident and soft in her ear.  She could almost feel his warm breath pushing against her earlobe.  It revitalized her aching muscles.  She could almost see the top now.  She wavered as she was about to exit the clearing, wishing to stay in the soothing sunlight.  She felt her shirt rip off, her eyes went wide.  She felt a stick jab painfully in her foot as she moved violently forward.

            “You’re not fast enough, honey.”  The voice trickled over her like ice water, sending shivers down her spine as panic tightened its grip around her abdomen.  A hand welded itself to her arm.  Her face twisted in agony and terror, she attempted to scream but found only a hoarse, ravished sound croak out.  The hand tightened its death-grip.  Just get to the top, her mind screamed, drowning out the rest of her thoughts.  They can only save you if you make it to the top.  Everything surrounding her was dead, leaves and rotten bark littered the ground, the breeze was gone, even the small number of birds had disappeared, the forest was foreboding.  She was so alone and overpowered.  The top would never come, even if she could get loose from this monster’s iron grip.  Not in time.  Never in time.  “Give me the key.”  The faceless voice demanded.

            “No,” she spat, the only noise she’d made clearly all day, maybe week. She whipped around, her hair flowing in knots.  “You’ll have to kill me first.”

            “Perhaps I will.”  The voice was gravelly, half annoyed, and half evil.  The heinous face was partially hidden in the trees’ shadows.  She trembled, overwhelmed with fear as the hand pulled her away from the top of the mountain.  She swallowed hard, trying not to lose complete touch with reality.  She fought to maneuver away.  Futile, in vain, you can’t be saved, you’re too far gone, rang shrilly in her ears.  Suddenly she was stumbling ahead; pain running up her arm and across her body, but adrenaline pushed her away from one danger and nearer to the next.

Reviews

[Titus McGuire]

Very well written with great description, it does make one curious as to what is to come next. I shall be reading the chapters that follow soon.

[Nazarea]

good. Not sure where your going, but this passage doesn't lend itself to that, and I'm sure that's the point. Great descriptive work however, you could really visualize the forest, her struggle. One thing stood out "narled" is misspelled. Don't be afraid to use spell check, God knows I do all the time. Watch your punctuation, and sentence structure. In the last paragraph, you have a great sentence, but its broken into three. ( The face was partially hidden in the trees' shadows. Although she could still tell that it was heinous. She trembled, overwhelmed with fear. PERHAPS TRY: The face, partially hidden in the trees' shadow, was still heinous and she trembled, overwhelmed with fear. Or something similar.) As it is, you have three fragments.
I liked it however, and look forward to reading more. Work on a name and your spelling/grammar and you'll be good to go. Send me a read review when you have more posted.
Nazarea~