The Fight Within Part 6

Back to the thoughts of Klaus while he follows Ruth to her date

I got in my car and followed her to her destination. Here I was going somewhere with my best friend, who I loved with all my heart; the person who was there when Judas never even existed in my life yet. Ruth was right in many ways that ever since I started hanging around Judas I have sort of disconnected myself from my other friends. I have actually become his shadow out of pure freewill, and now I wonder whether or not converting to Evil will actually be as easy to do as becoming someone’s shadow. Evil always has a way of tempting the heart, mind, and soul to do his bidding in order to accomplish his filthy tasks. I, being weak, have a greater chance of becoming evil because of the principalities revolving around the center of my core. What if my life is nothing but a big field full of booby-traps? Is there any way to deactivate these bad influences around me or am I just suppose to rely on chance and probability to decide my fate for me?

                One card that Evil would lay down is the ‘Card of Deception,’ and I know that brainwashing would be under that category. Ruth did say that Judas was just brainwashing me to believe in his personal beliefs, but could she actually be right? Could Judas be surround by Evil’s forces that are using him as a way to sway me to the Dark side?  Evil must know about my personal ‘normal’ problems that involve being left alone or the feeling of abandonment by the people who I love. Evil could use the very people who have my trust against me in order for me to gain trust in the wicked heart of Evil. When Evil forces someone else to knock me down Evil will lend a hand to pick me back up. His goal is to break me down so much that I will easily give into anyone’s kindness, whether it is fake or not, to survive. When I am at this low, vulnerable point I will be easy to brainwash and control. Of course everything will be done out of free will because I have obligated myself to believe that this is the truth. No one has forced me to choice which path I will take, but the rules never said not to trick me into it. Evil has become my own cons man and I have become either the smart consumer or the helpless prey.

                I am getting sick and tired of not living a normal life where I don’t have to constantly ask myself whether my friend is actually a friend or a conspiring enemy. This had literally caused me so much trouble when I doubted Judas a great deal of times before. When I told him I was spying on his cultural beliefs to see if they were really after me. I remember other people besides Ruth warning me about him because he ‘belonged to a cult.’ I am surprised that Ruth didn’t use that word to describe him like she had so many times before. Either way my goal was to get into the system to detect anything fishy or contradicting, so I can either pull him out before he did turn against me, or escape before they realized who I truly was. Of course my guilt was eating me from the inside out making the Evil in me stronger and the Good in me weaker. I was strong enough to force the Good in me to do the right thing and confess my own Evil deeds. I almost lost my older brother and best friend because of my doubting.

                I am beginning to wonder then if Evil is actually creating this doubt on purpose to prevent me from earning other’s trust. Why does everything have to look blurry making everyone I know look fake and untrustworthy? The pain is constantly thrown in my face and no one ever seems to be able to do anything about it. I am constantly seeing those I love and cherish the most change before my very own eyes into a traitor and enemy. This is not fair at all because I am not strong enough on my own to push the pulses of evil in my heart away. I don’t want to be evil but what if I have no choice but to fulfill my destiny of becoming the Source of all evil? If that is true...then wouldn’t there be some hero who kills me to set things back in balance? The question is who and where am I going to find this person who could possibly help prevent me from becoming completely evil?

                My life is nothing but a wide, thick, heavy blanket of fog preventing me from seeing what lies ahead. I am tired of constantly building my faith in false love and broken words that are as empty as I fill deep inside. There has to be something right underneath my nose that will help me solve this puzzle once and for all. Why do I feel that all of this is tied together with my past friendships and now with Ruth and Judas? Could it be possible that they are in on the secret I have kept to myself for so long?

                 Before I could think of that any further, Ruth started to pull into the fanciest French restaurant known to New York, ‘La Rose Blanche.’