the maids don't wash the comforter...

 

another night;

alone.

empty hotel room.

dirty hands

between

dirty sheets

 

can’t sleep,

but I can dream

of her smell;

I know it well.

as she frees her thighs

and I inhale,

giving dirty hands purpose.

 

black light my mind.

you’ll find all kinds

of stains

of a touch and a smell

and a gasp and a moan.

one of mine,

one not of my own.

Author's Note

i just wrote this. in roughly 5 minutes... i don't like to revise :/ so let me know what you think

Reviews

[Steve]

I really really liked it! I read it as a dark, gritty almost possessive piece... thoes last two lines
'one of mine,
not one of my own'
are kind of creepy, like the narrator believes he/she 'owns' the female that is being spoken about. I guess you could read it as a dirty romance or a poem of longing but for me its haunting, with a touch of the macabre. Just 'another' night, empty hotel rooms, stains and everything dark and dirty... There is so much to read into this, I could really go on!

An excellent piece, well done! Look forward to reading more.

[wolfshrew]

loving the last line.

[Jaffa Forbes]

Hey there! Good poem! Ditto I don't like to revise stuff either... :) The whole poem is quite abstract, detached and a bit odd, but it's good for that. Like Steve below I guess it's a bit macabre. Cool cool... I can't really think of anything else to say, which is good I guess :)
Jaff

[Bran the Broken]

wow...very gritty images, terse wording, nothing flat out said to really explain the motive/story, so can go any one of a zillion ways....awesome. :) great, sharp phrasing.

[Demosthenes]

I particularly liked "dirty hands between dirty sheets." and "black light my mind you'll find all kinds of stains."
Overall there was a vibe here that caught me. Liked it.

[EmpressPoetess]

I get sensuality, memories of a night of romance. It's written very well, I like the flow very much.