Sunshine

So I will tell you this.

My body is breaking.

I spend my nights in agony,

screaming,

bones writhing.

But I will tell you it's dedication.

I'll look at your past-

what you thought was a shining future-

I see you look at me like a stranger

A monster

A product of standards

Skinny-

Athletic-

Talented-

Forced.

But I will tell you it's dedication,

something required,

Something you've never had.

I'm sick

I'm suffering

But Lord

I have dedication,

Dedication is all it Takes-

The Will

The Need

To have it.

My frail bones are shattering

but dedication is all I need

Dedication is the sick habit

that has overtaken my body

Dedication.

Dedication-

to this life

Dedication to this illness

To create something...

Something... of myself.

Author's Note

Ever seen the movie SUNSHINE? I highly recommend it... shocking... just.. incredible.
if you see it, the first song that plays in the credits, blasted to the point of serious hearing damage, is the background song for this poem. yes, the poem is meant to be a hoarse shout of pain and anguish, of someone trying to convince themselves that they are happy, of someone who is miserable in their dedication.