Overcome (My Story Summed up)

Life pressures us all. No matter what kind of situation we are in, we always feel we are being suffocated by life's strangle around our necks. People think there will always be darkness. As for me, I changed from the help of Christ.

I used to be the type of person to feel suicidal. I used to cut myself and smile at my OWN pain. I kept everything to myself. I used to hide from the world. I was in a cage of torment. I would stay in my room and lay there, just to decay. I didn't feel like I had a reason to live. I would cry myself to sleep. I was so lonely. You may be asking yourself why would a person feel that way. I can explain.

Although there are no excuses for such kind of behavior, there was more to it. I grew up with a mental disorder called "Derealization." It's hard to understand when I explain it. To put it simple, it's where you don't feel real, everything around you is gray, and things lose touch simply because you are in the incorrect time "feeling" those things. If you want to learn more, I recommend searching it and finding some useful information. Anyhow, there was so much in my life that I've suffered with. I grew up in an abusive home. It was emotionally and physically abusive. I was a happy child although I felt something was always missing. My parents weren't always home and we didn't have a family meal together every night like I wanted to. Things started going downhill when my sister became bulimic. My family and I fought through poverty, abuse, addiction, death (of course and that's life),and many more. My life has been a tragic one and it feels that way sometimes still, considering all things. The point where I am at now is far more healthier than the life I was living. When I was around family members who were addicted to meth, I was miserable. I felt like a gray blob lost in my delusions. I became mentally ill. I continue to suffer through depression and anxiety because of all of the things that have happened. I've been stolen from by my own family, just so they could have money for drugs. I've been taunted by the crazed drug-addicted attitude that carried with them through each day. I was asked to go to the hospital to get pills for them. It just wasn't going to happen. I lost my sanity and it felt like I was in a tornado. I felt it would never end. The darkness made it hard to breathe. It was absolutely terrible when my sister almost died. It wasn't just once. It was probably over 20 times. She tried to kill herself by overdosing and drinking too much alcohol. Two of my family members have cancer and the other two have had cancer. My other sister almost died in a car accident and lost her husband while my nieces and nephews lost a father. It has been tragic. Nobody knew how bad it became because I would try to forget the pain in my mind that I was going through. I lost myself underneath all of the torment. I struggled each day to wake up and feel normal again. Right now, I have overcome a lot. I wake up each day trying to feel refreshed. I know God is helping me through the problems I encounter on a daily basis. My strength for him has grown each and every day. I have to thank him especially for helping me when I was close on the final decision. The final decision for me killing myself. I was trying to plan it out one night. I remember that night with each detail. I lit 4 candles and hoped I would just pass away instead of making a terrible decision. He made me open my eyes to love. He made me feel for a man, so I had a meaning to live. I love the same man 'til this day. I will forever love God for protecting me. I know I made a lot of bad decisions in my life, like dropping out of school and drinking. I have been sober for a month now. I don't mind the occasional drink but I don't feel I need it whenever I am stressed out. In this moment, I am wanting to help people around the world to see what kind of miracles can happen. True transformations can happen with the help and strength from God. If it weren't for him, I am not sure what would have happened that night or the next. 

I've suffered so much and I am seeing a positive change. I want to help people who struggle with addiction, mental problems, and etc. If you feel you are needing a friend to talk to, I am here. Even though suicide wasn't ever attempted, I still almost lost my life a few times. I had a severe head injury when I was a kid. I am glad I didn't die. The reason why I'm so glad I didn't pass, is so that I can help the fallen here on Earth. I am an Angel of God. So if you feel like you're having problems, you know who to reach out to. Not only me, but to God!! Praise the Lord, daily. Have a blessed day all.

-Love, Andrea <3