The Girl in the Forest House

A young girl in a forest house. A raven knocks on her door.

Once upon a time, there was a girl who lived in an old house by herself though she hadn’t meant to live there by herself.  It was a very big old house with only one floor, surrounded by forest and made of old, creaky wood and large, dusty stones plastered together to form 4 walls and a chimney, which stood very solidly against the cold or rain. Her parents, a rather inattentive but loving couple, had brought themselves there 11 years prior �" all the girl’s life �" and been living there with her as well �" that is, of course, until they got lost in the woods. Not on purpose, of course.

 

That’s what the girl told herself, anyway. Being a smart and diligent girl of “good breeding” (whatever that meant), she knew it was wise to keep one with her daily tasks for as long as they were away: sweeping and cooking every day, gathering fire wood and tending the garden. At supper time each night she would carefully lay out their 3 wooden bowls together, neatly, and seat aside each one a knife and spoon. Cloth napkins were for special occasions, since they took time to clean once soiled, but she wanted her parents to be happy when they came back, so she carefully folded and placed one under each plate as well. She’d sit for approximately half an hour, giving the 2 adults some time to arrive. When they didn’t she’d decide that it was best to eat the food before it got cold, and would do so.

 

It was late summer and the crickets were thrumming in the dusk forest, swelling in torrents with the rising and falling of the warm breeze. A meadow lay just beyond the thicket, and the soft-hued oranges and yellows of the setting sun gave the distant mountains a warm and friendly air. The girl was named Maya, and she faced them now, watching very still, with a stack of thick broken branches aloft in her arms.

 

She brought them home and placed them by the fireplace, with a great slam of the big cedar door. It was the 27^th day of her parents being gone. She had turned 10 the summer before.

 

Before long a Raven arrived. She knew it was a Raven before she opened the door because the thick rap rap rap on the cedar was heavier then a crow’s. She swung the heavy thing open for it, and greeted it with a, “Hello there, Mr. Raven.”

 

The great bird fixed a single black eye on her and bowed, slowly. It was huge, at least twice as tall as she was, and a great menacing presence to a girl all alone in a wooden house. It spoke politely.

 

“I am looking for Mr. and Mrs. Post.” His voice was deep and thrummed the wood of the house pleasantly, and the thick plume of feathers at his breast shone blue at the right angles.

The girl cringed at his question. The great bird noticed.

 

“I do apologize, Mr. Raven, but unfortunately they are not here at this moment.”

 

He cocked his head. “Are you alone here, small one?” She hesitated before nodding. Maya could sense a great look of pity behind black bird’s great marble eye, but she didn’t understand it, and it turned her stomach.

 

She said, “They’re in the nearby village, I think. But they’ve left and haven’t returned in a very long time. You haven’t…heard anything, have you?”

 

“No.” Was all he said.

 

“Oh.” Was all she said.

 

He sighed, then, a very deep sigh. A heavy one, full of weight that blew past the little girl’s head and into her great stone house.

 

“My dear,” he began, “I’m afraid you’re parents may be dead.” 

Reviews

[Armanis]

So...the story, it could be a brief introduction of something lying ahead in the future, but otherwise by a stand alone, it is problematic as a story. It doesn't really have a conflict, since there is no pressing need for her to want or need her parents to return. It lacks emotion, and an emotional response after hearing that her parents are dead. The grammar also needs to be cleaned up quite a bit since the beginning atleast comes off as very choppy. It needs to be cleaned up. Also in your third paragraph, we have no idea who "them" is so that needs clarification. And never, ever ever use the actual number unless its over three digits.