endless pain

Days of endless struggle

More hopeful pills today

Trying to appear 'normal'

In some sort of way.

 

It seems that the struggle

Is always here with me

And I wouldn't be here now

If guilt would leave me be

 

I know there's been many

Who've had it worse than I

But that doesn't always mean

That I wouldn't say good-bye

 

People say I have a lot going for me

I'm sorry, but I just can't see

I can't see because my worst enemy

Is not my life, but inside of me.

 

Always on a roller coaster,

Not much consistency

I'm nothing if I'm not up or down

I'm nothing if just 'me.'

 

Very little energy

Wanting to stay in bed

Wishing to be enthusiastic

Instead of feeling like I'm made of lead.

 

Wanting to be excited

Wanting to care for more

But when nothing makes sense

It's hard to focus on the poor.

 

Cluttered mind, cluttered thinking

It's hard to keep in touch

With what is happening around me

And not to worry too much.

 

I feel that everybody is better than me

And that I can't do anything right.

This is how I've felt my whole dang life

It didn't just start last night.

 

No confidence, no self-esteem

Everybody else is right

To speak my mind is to be a fool

So I just try to 'sit tight.'

 

Any one of these problems

Would be a heavy vice

But when you have them ALL

Living seems like a roll of the dice.