A Letter To Myself

I wrote this to look back at whenever I feel hurt by a guy.

Dear Jess,

Where was your mind when you started to fall for him?

Why didn't you see where this would lead? That he would drop so many hints and then crush your heart when you see him with someone else. You moped around at so many dances last year when you saw him dancing with a random girl, and he didn't even like you like he says he does now. You feel like you're floating on a cloud when you talk to him, no matter if it's a text or in person.
But he's so unpredictable that it isn't funny. One day, he could be dropping hints like bombs and the next he says he was confused or I massively misinterpreted things and then, later the same day he says he lied when he said that he didn't like you! Which is it? You never know for sure. But you keep chasing in hopes that he is telling the truth when you want him to.
Yes, most of the time he is sweeter than candy. Saying "I can't stay away from you for more than two days." (you've actually seen this as true. he hasn't been able to stay away for more than two days without getting in touch with you somehow..) You hope for him to be around in high school and for so much longer, and he says he will. And for now, you believe him. He gets jealous when you say something about another guy asking you out and he always seems to find a reason why you should say no. Always putting the other guy down. It's pretty obvious that he likes you.
But when he messes with your head, it's a little upsetting. He'll say something about another girl and when you get upset and quit talking to him for a while, he ALWAYS gets you back somehow. It's so weird, he has an effect on you. You've seen you haven't changed because of it, but what if you do change?
Fear plays a big part in you. You fear him hurting you, but you chase him no matter what. You fear losing him all the time. You fear really falling in love. You don't know if you have. Hell, you don't even know what love is right now. It's so confusing that you feel like ripping your hair out by the roots.
But it will get better. Even if it doesn't require his help. You don't know what the future holds, he may be in it or he may not. Right now, you are hoping that he is. You don't care if he's a lover or a friend. You just want him there.
Remember that things happen for a reason though. Remember that whenever you fear losing him, or fear loving him later. You will always come out of it somehow.

Yours truely,
Jess

Author's Note

Ignore spelling and grammar please. ;]

Reviews

[Ryan]

You'll never have to feel that way again... We've already talked about that of course but I swear to you that will never reoccur baby...

[J.Black]

Wow I can relate Jess, I write letters to myself all the f*****g time. Its not because I'm insane, infact it's a nice way to gather your thoughts and actually think about them. I find when I write to myself I can see what I am trying to say, and it seems like I get more answers because I can talk it out and let the anger out in a peaceful kind of way, you know what I mean? Anyways, boys are stupid and let's just say at this time of day and age they only want one thing and not it's not you. So even if you feel hurt or upset that this one boy did something or made you feel this way, just remember it wasn't out of love or respect for you. The real boys are the ones who want nothing from you. They just enjoy your company and being near you. :)