The Vicarious Heart

A short poem for your prophetic revelations.

The vicarious heart beats rapidly

Trapping me

Under the sea

So much to be

But all I see

Is tragedy

Breaking free

Caustically

So defined

Who are we

 

So if Atlas shrugged

The end will come

All we’ve done

The length we’ve run

Will be unraveled

Under the sun

 

How can we have all hated

What so easily destiny created

But so dramatically six-shooter fated

Suicidal fulcrum mated

What hath God wrought

Signed and dated

 

But if Atlas shrugged

The end shall come

And all we’ve done

The distance we’ve run

Will it come to a halt

Under the sun

Reviews

[Mysteriously Me]

I would have to say this is slowly becoming one of my favorites. I like that you mentioned "Atlas Shrugged," which I am assuming that you got from the Ayn Rand book. But then again, maybe not. =P It is a good piece. I like the rhythm in the poem. I think that my favorite part is

"The distance we've run
Will it come to a halt
Under the sun"

[HoorayForUnderdog]

I like the image of Atlas shrugging and the world shuddering and faultering! Very creative poem!

[1809 Black Plague Decem..]

Its funny, I see humanity running towards a voyage, across the sea, and they come to a halt, like you say "under the sun"; beautifully written,

very morbid, in its ending, and serene,
:S ---mishel

[flaneur]

The quick verses add to the sense of being trapped and pressured. The tempo changes in the third verse because the lines have too many syllables; that part distracts from the whole.

[Carrie Montgomery]

I think this is written well. I think the "breaks" in the poem give the rhythm that is much like the beat of a heart, a heart that is heavy with the thoughts written here.

[7eleven]

Man, two thumbs up. I love the rhythm here.

[Steffi]

Very intriging piece. The only thing that I personally think takes away from it is the like breaks. It makes it very jagged and mildly takes away from the message and impact of the piece. But other than that I really thought it was an interesting piece and message. Good write

I love the impact in this piece

It is short and crisp, just perfect, keeping its mystery, and yet fidelity of the message.

great fundamentals

a very good piece

[Larissa G.]

It's interesting; I think my biggest problem was that the line breaks didn't really contribute and were a bit too jerky for me to truly follow. I couldn't get into a rhythm and just enjoy what I was reading.
Hope that helped.

[Siddartha Beth Pierce]

A melancholic ode indeed. Very much apocalyptic in tone. Well spun.
Light,
Siddartha