Heart of Darkness (She's Your)

Reviews are greatly appreciated.

 

She’s stuck in your heart; darkening your dreams

She’s the razor tearing you apart at the seems

She’s the gravity when your sky is falling

She’s the ridiculous fantasy your mind is drawing

 

A nightmare’s sky that’s flayed asunder

Still your heart beats like crying thunder

Pounding through your temples like a madman’s drum

Drowning your words under a drunken sea of rum

 

She’s the sepia when your world starts to rust

She can show you fear in a handful of dust

She’s the sun, the night and she’s the dusk

She rips your essence from your empty husk

 

The eyes that can’t be blind become shadowed and jaded

Colors filtered through and the innocence has faded

This macabre masquerade folds to a brief halt

Sometimes you’re honest to a fault

 

She’s the huntress of the night

She’s tearing you off the rind

She picks the meat clean from the bones

She laughs when you’re left alone

 

There is little left in which to believe

Forgiveness for the past is so far reprieved

Pray to your clouds or call upon a cross

You have never experienced loss

 

She’s a down-home girl from the big city

She thinks your love is such a pity

She dances at midnight with the wicked piper

She laughs because she’s the one you cry for

 

Smoke that bottle and drink your ashes

Everything amongst your halo crashes

Phosphorescent lights shoot from the iris

The gone from the bounty of the pious

 

She is here but she is there

She is gone but she is everywhere

You may love her and it’s sad but true

She will never be with you

 

 

Reviews

[Emily Elizabeth]

AWESOME POEM. I cannot begin to describe how fantastic this poem is. The structure, the rhyme scheme, every thing's just perfect. It's vivid, extremely deep and meaningful, and dark, and I love it. You really get a sense of things coming apart here. I especially loved:
'Smoke that bottle and drink your ashes
Everything amongst your halo crashes
Phosphorescent lights shoot from the iris
The gone from the bounty of the pious.'
Once again, this is a fantastic poem, and it's definitely one of my favorites on here!

[Brianna Brie]

Excellent poem! The repetitive use of "she" didn't even bother me which it usually would. Each line kept me entertained.

[1809 Black Plague Decem..]

I love all the description,
like the usage of pious here as its imagery for the love of a woman
he cannot hold grasps to,
she is above him at all times,
and again the omnipresent figure she represents,
----the endiing is my favorite , mishel :S x

[Molly]

Jack, I really loved this. :) Your word choice is unique and powerful.

[Tai Chi Italy]

Oh god! this was such a painfully honest truth, it hurt to read but it is brilliantly written. Never say never my friend! Tai, trying to smile at you